Adopted Parenting Perspective

My heart ached Friday night as I heard my daughter crying through the phone. She missed me, and couldn't settle herself down enough to sleep. Despite my notes detailing our evening routine, the lack of a nursing session left a gaping hole in the familiarity of bedtime, and she just couldn't get beyond that. Her world had been disrupted; she was sad. Fortunately, once my friend put on one of my shirts, the familiar smell of her mama was enough to help her relax and fall asleep.

I am proud and humbled to be able to say that I have helped many families adopt internationally. My job is (I still do a bit of contract work) to both interview and educate adoptive parents, before and after their children come home. This instance has given me empathy for the parents and a great appreciation for the struggles that these children go through to get here; they are, indeed, survivors.

My daughter had one uncomfortable evening, in the morning I was there to nurse her, and snuggle with her; all was right with the world again. These children get their whole world rocked; nothing is familiar--smells, sounds, routine, textures, language, tastes are all new and different. They have to grieve the loss of all of that they knew and also discover a brand new "familiar". That's hard enough, but many of these children are plucked from their homeland when they are six, seven, eight months old--smack dab in the middle of a time when, developmentally, most children struggle with separation/stranger anxiety, some of what my daughter struggling with Friday night. If you have biological children, you have probably had a taste of how challenging separation/stranger anxiety can be. It's heartbreaking--maybe you have a story similar to mine to tell. We are lucky, in that, we can still incorporate some of the familiar to ease the blow of mama's absence.

Don't get me wrong, I am passionate about international adoption; I love helping people to build their families and want to grow my own family through adoption someday. Part of the educating that I do for adoptive parents is to talk through the grieving their child will do--grieving the loss of country, caretakers they've formed attachments to, language, familiar sights, smells, etc. I did this instruction as a childless woman for years, educated, of course, in child development, and international adoption issues; however, I had no first hand experience of any of this. Now that I know how my daughter struggled through one evening without her mama to put her to bed-- woah--my eyes have been opened. I can empathize with parents who have a child who is grieving--genuinely and authentically, having had just a small taste of that gut-wrenching sorrow for my own child's sadness. I also have a whole new lens through which to view the struggle an internationally adopted child has. These kids are tough and resilient. May it enrich your life to know one, they have had an amazing journey.


**A huge thank you to my friend and her mom for spending Friday with our girls, while we were away. Thank you for snuggling, wiping away tears, bouncing, rocking, walking, consoling, and for taking the same care of Brynne and Hadley that you would take with your own children. I love you.

  

Thankful and wordless weekend

60. Two hour family naptime--heavenly!

61. Gorgeous weather.

62. My mama coming to help me out while Brad was away on business.

63. Clean floors, because of my mama.

64. Clean sheets, because of my mama.

65. Clean windows, because of my mama.

66. A freezer full of baby food, because of my mama.

67. Enjoying a glass of wine on the deck with my husband.

68. Getting to hear most of the sermon at church on Sunday.

69. Enjoying a dinner with new friends.

70. Eating delicious tomatoes from our garden.

71. Going almost seven months without any breastfeeding issues.

72. We were able to get rid of my clogged milk duct/milk blister without getting mastitis--blessed pain relief!

73. Seven month old girls sitting up for a few minutes unassisted--woo hoo!

74. Grandparents galore.

75. Awesome afternoon playing outside with the girls.

76. Time to pull weeds in the garden.

Thankful and Wordless Weekend

46. Great weekend with my brother-in-law and two of my sisters.

47. Flying shards of glass from the milk container did not cut me--I just had a lot of milk in my Crocs.

48. The milk was white, and not sticky chocolate.

49. Very nice girl in the Target parking lot who helped me pick up the glass from the shattered milk container.

50. Ibuprofen.

51. Hyland's Teething Tablets.

52. Waking up later than 5:45 A.M. this morning (they woke up at 5:50 instead).

53. Fun pool party with friends yesterday evening.

54. Two girls who love the water.

55. Lots of toys for the girls chew on.

56. Patience.

57. Tear-free and fuss-free walk yesterday.

58. Water in the basement was discovered, and the damage was minimal.

59. Friends with a dehumidifier and box fans. 

Thankful

32. Brynne's two teeth

33. Peaches in our own backyard.

34. Better sleep.

35. New food processor.

36. Cooler temperatures.

37. Five mile walk this afternoon.

38. Baby talk between babies (super cute!).

39. Quiet time this morning on our deck.

40. Babies holding hands while they sleep.

41. Avacadoes picked just for us in California.

42. My husband"s flexible boss.

43. Enjoying the girls' distinct personalities.

44. Snuggles at 2AM from Brynne during a thunderstorm.

45. Listening to Hadley giggle.

Sunflowers

This is our second year in a row planting sunflowers. We just love watching how massive they get (some of them are over 12 feet tall). Enjoy!

We have squash

Yes, that's right. The highlight of my evening a few nights ago was to discover that there was, indeed, a squash growing on our vine. While I realize this is exactly what you would want to have growing on a squash vine, I was uncertain if we were going to have any squash to harvest or not--our crop got off to a rough start. Our neighbors have amazing squash growing, literally, 10 feet from our squash vines, and I've developed quite the case of "squash envy" watching multiple squash appear on her vines. So, I am thrilled to have some of our own!

Saturday evening, on our nightly jaunt through our garden, in addition to rejoicing over our lone squash, we noticed that the peaches on the tree bordering our property are ready for picking. I confirmed this by sampling some, just to be sure--it doesn't get much fresher than that! As to whose tree it actually is, we decided that the peaches growing on our side of the tree would be ours--seems reasonable, right? We had already purchased some peaches and plums at the farmer's market that morning. So--what'ts a girl to do with lots of fresh peaches? Make baby food of course!

They went from this...

...to this...

...and finally...

I have just enough peaches left to make peach crisp--yum! I just need to get to the grocery store, so that I can finish the crisp off with some vanilla ice cream. Can you think of a better summer treat?! It makes my mouth water to think about it!

Six months ago...

...we were waiting...

...so excited...

...for this.