Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Life Is Difficult

Life is difficult. Dr. M. Scott Peck writes in his book, The Road Less Traveled. Some of you might say, duh, but I definitely need the reminder, so I appreciate Dr. Peck for putting it out there.

It was a year ago today that I went into preterm labor. My only responsibility in the whole world, from that day until the day the girls were born, two months later, was to sit on my rump and gestate. Sound easy? It wasn't. Up until the middle of November I had been doing boot camp workouts. Me and my belly did sprints, jumping jacks, burpees, squats--you  name it. I was active, I enjoyed being active. Then, suddenly, I wasn't. Life is difficult.

My life has changed so monumentally since that day a year ago.

Sunday, I reached the end of my rope, wits--you name it, I was at the end of it. I needed a break. For whatever reason, that day, the constantness of motherhood engulfed me, and I couldn't seem to figure out how to surface to catch my breath. The ever-present need the girls have for me when they are awake, and the infinite list of chores that need to be accomplished when the girls are not awake. I was tired, physically, spiritually, emotionally--just drained. I was completely cognizant of the selfish, joyless hole I was sitting in, but I couldn't seem to figure out how to climb out of it. Life is difficult.

A Starbucks coffee and an hour trip to the grocery store by myself later, I was in a much happier place.

Today, I look around our home and see spider webs glistening in the sun shining through our dingy windows. I see a collection of dust on most all of our furniture. The battle to keep dog hair off the floor is a daunting, win-less war. There is laundry to be done, dishes to be washed, babyfood to be made, and it took a blow out diaper this morning to remind me that we are all out of wipes--guess I need to get to the store today too. All those feelings from Sunday suddenly threaten to rear their ugly head again, or maybe they never really left--simmering below the surface, waiting for an overwhelming moment to pounce. Life is difficult.

I know I am not the only mama to ever feel this way. And, really, truly, most of the time I'm okay with the craziness of my life. I laugh at it, I celebrate it. Today, my daughter was rolling all over the place smearing poop all over herself and the changing table as I scrambled around looking for the wipes that we did not have. Soon, her sister began scooting over to play in her sister's poop, because it just looked like so much fun. I laughed, the complete insanity of it all was hilarious to me. And it makes me ever so grateful for the handiness of wipes when I remember to buy them, and refill the dispenser.

Dr. Peck goes on to write, Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because, once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.
 
That resonated with me today. My life is what it is, and most days, I don't realize the difficultness of it. That very pregnant girl sitting on the couch a year ago would have been completely overwhelmed jumping into this life, and she might have thought it impossible to manage. But, here I am, dancing through each day doing the best I can, seeking to see the levity of most situations (at least those that involve poop), and praying that God will give me the patience, grace, energy and strength to care for the girls, myself, my husband and my home. Some days are better than others, because, let's face it, Life is difficult.

11 comments:

Melissa Ann said...

Hang on for the ride, sweet girl. It's hard but worth it. Keep at it, He's worth it. Hebrews 12:3

Valerie said...

I absolutely loved this post! Some days are just like that. I usually know when I reach my limit and need some ME time. Thanks for a wonderful post. Life is difficult but it's also what we make of it.

Mary Cavalier said...

So well said! You have to stop sometimes and see the humor in the situation.

Liesl said...

Remember when you made your first homevisit for our adoption? That perfect house? Yeah, well, one 4 year old China-princess later and my house is a complete disaster. I'm right there with ya, girlie! And I don't even have the reasonable and sane excuses (er, reasons) that you have! Enjoy those girls - they grow up way too fast - and, yes, go to the store every evening if you have to just to have some "me" time. :0)

Kendra said...

Girl. Oh wow do I feel ya. I am very behind on blogs and am trying to catch up.

I loved this post.

I love this time of year, but I have been finding myself overwhelmed with all of it and just moving from one task to the next without living in any of the moments. I HATE it when I get like this. I don't want to look back on the babies first Christmas years from now and feel like it was a busy blur.

I can relate to so much of this. I hit a WALL last Friday, and told David even though it was "his" Saturday (we trade off Saturdays where one time he gets 3 hours away, the next one I do, the next one we make sure we do something fun as a family) that I needed to trade Saturdays with him. I NEEDED it.

And then, after I spent my time away Christmas shopping (which I happen to love doing!) added to the fact that he stayed up with the babies after I nursed them first thing in the morning and let me go back to bed for 2 1/2 hours...and I was a new woman by the end of the day.

We were praying together that night, and I thanked the Lord for restoring me...may it always be that simple to bring me peace, you know?

Good for you for taking some time away, for acknowledging it IS hard sometimes, and for finding the blessings in everything. You are an inspiration, friend.

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

Linking over from Multiples & More...this is an amazing post!

I feel like I handle the responsibilities of my life these days pretty well, at least 96% of the time. There are some times, though, when the weight really seems really heavy. I try to step back and take some time - even a few minutes alone in the bathroom might have to do in a pinch! - to regroup.

Yes, life is difficult, but if we can remember to celebrate facing those "difficulties", I think it gives us healthy perspective. (That's why I often put things like "empty the dishwasher" on my to-do list for the day...so I can cross it off and feel good! HA!)

Danae said...

Thanks for this. Somehow I reach my "wall" more often now with my twins than before, and just need to get away. Even a trip to the bathroom, or a shower alone is enough to regain my sanity, and I'm so thankful for a husband who realizes when I've reached my limit and lets me get away. Yes, life IS difficult, but we can still celebrate and enjoy the good parts. :o)

Liz said...

Hi found you through Mandy's blog! I can really relate to this post. Life is difficult and being mama to two toddlers is sometime alot for me- esp. as a SAHM.
Thanks for being real in this post showing me that it's ok to admit the difficulties.
-Liz

Cheryl Lage said...

Oh Julia, what a fantastic and insightful post! SO grateful we've "found" each other in the twin blog circle -- happily a new follower, and fan!

(Cannot thank you enough for your amazingly kind words about Twinspiration! Hearing feedback like that warms my heart...and makes the "difficulties" of writing it beyond worthwhile. :) )

Enjoy those beautiful babies---and let's stay in touch!

Danae said...

Thanks for this. Somehow I reach my "wall" more often now with my twins than before, and just need to get away. Even a trip to the bathroom, or a shower alone is enough to regain my sanity, and I'm so thankful for a husband who realizes when I've reached my limit and lets me get away. Yes, life IS difficult, but we can still celebrate and enjoy the good parts. :o)

Melissa Ann said...

Hang on for the ride, sweet girl. It's hard but worth it. Keep at it, He's worth it. Hebrews 12:3