Shout-Outs

A big thank you to Stacey at Ramblings of a Stay at Home Mom... for the Stylish Blogger Award. Sorry it took me so long to respond. I'm flattered and grateful that you thought of me.

From each post that Stacey writes, you can just feel the delight she takes in being a mama--and she's awesome at it! I very much respect the way she parents. Her twins, Blake and Leah, are just a couple months older than my girls, so it's fun to see what they're up to, because I know my girls will follow shortly.

As part of the award, I'm supposed to list seven things about myself. Throughout my life, I've said at different points, "That was the hardest thing I've ever done." It was all relevant. Here are seven items I've said were, "The hardest thing I've ever done."

1. Bikram yoga. The "hardness" of it is sort of addicting.
2. High ropes course. I'm so afraid of heights. Even the fact that I was harnessed in with several safety latches was no consolation; I trembled and cried my way through the whole thing.
3. Spending three weeks in the ICU on a ventilator with a terrible case of mono.
4. 10 weeks of bed rest. This one was, and wasn't hard at the same time. It was hard to go from being active to being completely inactive, unless you count daily showers and trips to the fridge. On the other hand, I would have done anything to keep my girls in my belly for awhile longer.
5. Caring for twinfants by myself. Sometimes I would just get in the car and drive, because I didn't know how else to get them to stop crying.
6. Caring for sick babies, when I'm sick too.
7. Breastfeeding twins. This one stands as the hardest thing I've ever done. And probably the one I'm most proud of.

Passing the award on to:

My friend Cori at Ritz Bitz News. Cori and were best friends in high school. She moved away to Oregon before our senior year. I haven't seen her since her wedding in 1998. I have very much enjoyed reconnecting with her through blogging! Cori is the mama to five kiddos--four boys and one girl. She tells some pretty hilarious stories about life with her five kids! I pretty much can't wait till Brynne and Hadley really start talking. I'm preparing to be very entertained by what comes out of their mouths, if they are anything like Cori's kids.

Krista at The Hursh Family. Krista is the proud first time twin mama to Vivian and Oliver, who just turned 10 months old! She is such a sweet and encouraging person! Krista's blog reflects her celebration of life and her two "gifts".

Affton at Adventures in Raising "A" Family. I  know Affton in real life too. She's a great friend, wife and mother. Affton is married to Adam. They have a son, Austin, and are expecting a little girl, Audrey, in about nine weeks--she admits it, they are "that" family. Affton shares her experiences raising a son with food allergies, breastfeeding, and just about being a mama.

The Ugly Ducking: True Beauty Conversations

Please excuse the lateness of this post. Blogger was down for about 30 hours yesterday and today.

My friend Melissa and I are continuing our conversation about Beauty this morning. We've been talking about True Beauty through a series of letters on Fridays: What is Beauty? What will we tell our daughters about Beauty? We're so glad you're joining us. We would love to hear from you!
_________________________________________________

Dearest Melissa,
Before I can really get started, I must ask your forgiveness. Three weeks ago you wrote a beautiful letter in response to mine. You poured out your heart, and offered grace to me.

And my response? Lady Gaga.

The post was well-intentioned. I didn't mean to put Lady Gaga up on some pedestal. To be honest, saying I "love" her might have been a bit of a stretch. Truth be told, I know nothing of her politics, personal life, or even all of her music. I do enjoy grooving to her tunes when I'm working out, or to motivate myself on my way to work out. As I told you in an email---if Amy Grant could kick it like Gaga does, I'd totally jam to that.

I realize, too, that both the song and the Glee episode had implications of homosexuality. I absolutely did not want to go there. There was truth in the message, for what it was, without opening that can of worms.

My letter was on topic, as far as our theme about Beauty, but it ignored the words from your heart. You are right, friend. When things get serious, I tend to find ways to interject humor and fun. All of that is well and good, but not when I ignore you and come with my own agenda.

Thank you for your grace in your response last week. Please forgive my insensitivity?

_______________________________________________

So, in light of my words above, I in many ways, feel like I'm responding to two your letters.

A few weeks back you wrote these words:

Our histories are meant to be told because they are parts of His Story. Our histories, however sordid or bleak, are meant to be told, meant to be shared as the beautiful gifts that they really are!


Julia, we can't hide our history. We can't toss it out in the trash like a group of journals and live as if it never happened.

I love this.

It made me think, oddly enough, of The Ugly Duckling, the fairy tale by Hans Christian Andersen. Hang with me. I know it's random. I can explain.

___________________________________________

Hop on over to Melissa's to read the rest of my letter.

Iris Thanksgiving

658. Brynne discovering her shadow on the wall.

659. Fresh mulch.

660. A husband who makes our yard look amazing!

661. Irises.

662. First roses of the year.

663. Drawings by babies for their mama.

664. Derby hats.

665. First tastes of frozen custard.

666. Big fan of frozen custard!

667. Walk through the garden.

668. Gardening with mama.







Thinking About YOU This Mother's Day

Most of you probably don't know that prior to motherhood, I worked as a social worker for an adoption agency.

During that time, I heard lots of stories of loss and grief from people who navigated the painful worlds of infertility and loss. Those stories have stayed with me; haunted me.

Having twins, too, I've met many people who have been, or still are in the throes of infertility. Many have suffered painful losses and setbacks on the rocky road to building their families that I can't even imagine.

I stand in awe of all those women whose journey to motherhood is fraught with grief and struggle. You still have a smile on your face, move forward day after day, still love big and you still hope. What courage!


Yesterday I read this great article by Nia Vardalos, that chick from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. She speaks candidly, about her experiences on Mother's Days past, as she was struggling through infertility.

That article reminded me that Mother's Day isn't a happy day for every woman. Not even for every mother.

For some women, Mother's Day is a sad day. It serves as a reminder of loss, or is a reminder of a painful longing that has not yet come to pass.

For others, Mother's Day is bittersweet--there are children to celebrate, and losses to mourn.

I read this great quote the other day:

A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven't. Most don't...mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn't happened, so people imagine a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had.


But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she'll know.

~Barbara Kingsolver

As I celebrate the gifts that Brynne and Hadley are to my life, my heart is heavy for all those women grieving this Mother's Day.

My prayer for all of you is that you are all surrounded by love and that your hearts find peace.

Un

Friends, I am just struggling.

I feel:

unmotivated
uninspired
uncreative
unable
unworthy
unimportant

just, well, just "un".

I feel stuck in this "un" rut while my garden blooms vibrantly, my husband adores me, and our healthy girls' laughter fills our home. It's a juxtaposition that weighs on my spirit. I know I'm missing out! I know these things I feel, they aren't really the case. So, I pray that God will help me in my unbelief.

The reason I keep a gratitude journal; pour my thanks out here each week is so that I constantly search for and actively seek joy. To find the extraordinary in the everyday.

This works most of the time.

But sometimes it's a struggle for me. My soul finds dark corners, and I get stuck there. I, ashamedly, forget my many blessings.

I struggle to love well. It pains me to write that.

Sometimes it's just so hard to love well.

But---I can do hard things.

So.

I'm working on it, friends. I'm fighting to see joy! If I start sounding "un" around here---feel free to yell at me. You can even do it anonymously, if you want to.

________________________________________________

Tomorrow is the second year I get to celebrate this gift of motherhood. It's going to be sunny and warm, which means cute girls in rompers---I can't wait!



The Living Truth: True Beauty Conversations

My friend Melissa and I are continuing our conversation about Beauty this morning. We've been talking about True Beauty through a series of letters on Fridays: What is Beauty? What will we tell our daughters about Beauty? We're so glad you're joining us. We would love to hear from you!


________________________________________________

Dear Julia,

Two weeks ago I wrote, inspired, about being part of His Story.  And I know that's true- my history, my present, and even my future are Redeemed by His Blood.  They're being used for His Glory.

But the hardest person to preach the gospel to is always myself.

Lately, my story feels like Cinderella's--- and not the good parts.  I feel like all I ever do is cook, or change diapers, or feed babies, or edit photos, or clean (when the mood strikes me), or paint cabinet doors (whose idea was it to remodel the kitchen herself?!).  My hair is limp, my face feels the greasiness of summer humidity, and my daily uniform is a lightweight pair of paint-spattered PJ/sweatpants because I lent a friend all of my maternity clothes prior to finding out about our surprise baby on the way.

And then my prince walks through the door and reaches out to embrace me...

(Cue the uplifting fairy tale music!)


But wait, nope, the Cinderella girl is pushing the prince away. She's gone back to cooking or is sulking with her dinner plate.

Is this what happily ever after is supposed to be?

I don't think so.

But when Derek walks in the door, all I want is a break.  I want to go outside in the evening breeze and paint those seemingly multiplying cabinet doors.  Or I want to sit in the cool basement and leisurely sew some little hand project. I want to go to the gym and swim laps until I'm tired.

And all Derek wants to do is...

Well, you can imagine...

You're married. ;-)

But, by golly, I've been serving people all day and the last thing my exhausted (pregnant) body wants to do is that.  And has he even seen my grungy tired self who hasn't showered in 3 days?  Why would he want me?

Tell me I'm not the only one who feels that way. Tell me I'm not the only one who has a hard time connecting the Truths we've been discussing with that day to day moment when my husband walks in the door expecting a hug and a kiss.

Where is the beauty of a quiet and humble spirit when my husband gets home?  My heart leaps when he comes home, but not in excitement to hear about his day or to feel warm and protected in his embrace.  No, I'm excited because there's somebody home to serve me.  (And, by wild grace, he does serve His maker by serving me.  What a guy!)

But it's not about me, is it?

No, it's about serving and worshiping the one true God.

So where should that truth lead me?

When my husband comes home, he sees my non-showered PJ pant wearing self as beautiful and very attractive (maybe even desirable!).  I should thank God for the sweet grace of his affection.

And then I should preach the Gospel to myself.


"Melissa, Jesus loves you and came to die for you so you might live in joyous freedom from the sin of selfishness.  On top of all that He gave you a husband that sees you as irresistibly beautiful.  What a gift!  The overflow of your heart should be gratitude that spills over into contented service-- in the desire to be a gift to Derek in the way he is a gift to you."

Oh, the sweet Gospel!  It's hope that even I can change.

I Am So Thankful for Azeleas

Azaleas are so vibrant and beautiful! I love this time of year when they are in bloom!

630. Azaleas.

631. First hummingbird of the year at our feeder.

632. Brynne being the first to point out our first hummingbird.

633. Planting herbs in the garden.

634. Sunshine.

635. Annuals in pots.

636. Going to Benjamin's birthday party.

637. Seeing the joy on Benjamin's face at his party.

638. Pride and love on the faces of Greg and Ellyn with a happy and healthy one year old son.

639. Brynne's "happy feet".

640. Discovering a new park with Mike, Laila and Nori.

641. Getting vegetables for the garden.

642. Making room for all the wonderful things to grow.

643. Pink.

644. Girls obeying rules.

645. Girls obeying rules when it's hard and they don't want to.

646. Love for new books.

647. Brynne's snuggles.

648. Peonies getting ready to bloom.

649. Antiques for our home.

650. Getting a leg up.

651. Girls swinging in their own swings for the first time.

652. Hadley loving the slide.



653. Brynne's pride at being able to put all the shapes in the bucket.

654. Holding hands at the park.

655. Two girls making up games to play with their grandparents.

656. Having a hanging basket full of flowers that attract hummingbirds.

657. Brynne's kisses.