Friday, June 3, 2011

Permission


Can you see the scrape that starts on Hadley's eyelid and runs half way down her cheek?

Yeah. I did that.

I really try to keep my fingernails short, but I'm responsible for 30 fingers and 30 toes (including my own). I let mine get too long. In a knee-jerk reaction to catch something from falling, just past  her head--SCRAAAAPE.

I felt terrible, and it sure looked terrible when it first happened.

You know what though? It's okay.

Sometime, early in this mothering journey, I gave myself permission to screw up every once in awhile.

It was probably during one of those early days when, in my bleary, sleep-deprived state, I smacked my newborns' noggins on the doorjamb (it's happened more than once).

Giving myself permission to make mistakes was the only way for my emotionally-fragile, postpartum self to handle hurting my infants.

It's not intentional. It's not the worst thing that will ever happen to them. Say that to yourself.

In this whole parenting thing, it's okay--freeing, even--to give yourself permission to make mistakes.

5 comments:

Lauren said...

You're absolutely right! Crap happens sometimes. No use beating yourself up about it. Children are resilient!

Affton said...

I too slammed Austin's head into the doorjam - I cried harder than he did. Worst mess up yet was at his 1 year appointment and he wiggled off my lap - straight onto his face. BLOOD EVERYWHERE. It was awful. Thankfully Dr. Young was super supportive checking him over and letting me know that it is hard to keep them on your lap when they get older and want to be independent.

Julie Wilkinson said...

If it makes you feel any better, I cut Ryan's ear when he was a toddler - trying to trim his hair. Never again! Again, I cried harder then he did.

Twinside Out said...

I think these sorts of things happen to every mom. I caught the skin of Doodle's leg in the buckle for his bouncer when he was just a few weeks old, and I cried harder than he did.

I like what you wrote about giving yourself permission to make mistakes in parenting. I think it's important, especially as my kids get older, for them to see how I acknowledge mistakes and how I move forward from them. Growing up, one of my parents *never* admitted to making a mistake - it was always someone else's fault. So I learned that mistakes are shameful, and for many years I lived in fear of messing up. Sometimes that meant I wouldn't even try, because I was too terrified I couldn't do something perfectly.

I would love for my kids to understand that, as the wonderful Dr. Suess wrote, life is a great balancing act. Making mistakes is a part of living.

Of course, for them to grow up knowing that, I need to make sure I'm living it. ;) It goes back to what you said about permission...so I guess today is as good a place as any to start. I'm not going to dwell any more on how badly I screwed up naptime this morning!

I probably don't say this enough - but thank you for being so transparent and real in your writing. I can really relate, and I always take away some truth to ponder. :)

Corinne Ritz said...

OH Jules! So sweet!

I often don't wear my wedding rings etc unless I'm going out with the girls! I have scratched each one of my babies faces with those rings! Darn Diamonds!

One time I ignored my oldest as a baby in the middle of the night, because he just needed to learn how to fall back to sleep. In the morning I found a HORRIBLE poopy diaper/rash. I FELT SICK! He woke up to tell me he needed a change. Now I always check to make sure!