The Woman who Fears the LORD: True Beauty Conversations

Hello and welcome! Melissa and I are continuing our conversation about True Beauty this morning. We've been talking about Beauty through a series of letters on Fridays: What is Beauty? What will we tell our daughters about Beauty? We are so glad you're joining us!

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Dearest Julia,

As you know, I am a first generation Christian.  No one else in my family has a personal, grace-filled relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.  My parents are wonderful hard-working people who reared me, an independent strong-willed know it all, to the best of their very loving ability.

But they do not know the Lord. As I was growing up, they were not able to preach the gospel to me with their lives and words.

So as a first-generation Christian, I often stumble on scripture and have no clue how it should look in practice.  Sometimes it's a cultural problem: I don't understand the cultural context surrounding the passage. Other times I stumble because a passage seems completely impossible to live out: I'm over come by self-condemnation.

When you wrote that you wanted to have conversations with your daughters that showed them:

"What it means to be beautiful.

Who we think is beautiful.

What it is about that individual that makes them beautiful."

I suddenly began thinking about one of those passages that I have stumbled on both culturally and with self-condemnation.  The passage that I did not want to be the one to address during this series came into a sudden focus.

Proverbs 31:10-31  

This Proverbs 31 woman seems so perfect.  She spins, weaves fabric, runs a little side business, cares for the less fortunate, and has a husband and children who bless and praise her.  She gets everything right and even does some things that defy the cultural norm (buying land!) to benefit her family.

She's so perfect that she intimidates me.


I've always felt that I could never be like her.


But right there at the end of the passage the key to how this woman attains such success is quietly tucked:

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

But a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

And it was when I was reading that last part ("a woman who fears the LORD") when everything finally clicked for me.


I know this woman.

I see her three times a week.

Her name is Carol.

And she's not Mrs. Perfect who proudly has it all together.  True, she accomplishes a lot; Carol's wrap sheet, if you will, is quite impressive.  In fact, within the 7 days before I wrote this, my Proverbs 31 lady has:

• counseled a friend
• baked cookies for 30+ 5th Graders
• mentored and ministered to 2 of those 5th Graders
• baked Pumpkin Cake with Cream Cheese (mmm!) frosting for workers serving in the nursery.
• served two services in the toddler nursery
• more than likely read a book aloud to her granddaughter on the phone
• led a group of ladies in a Bible study accountability group
• made meals, washed laundry, and otherwise faithfully served her husband
• restocked her pantry because she'd made so many meals for others that she was running low on food
• hugged so many people that she's probably lost count

Carol sounds pretty great doesn't she?

She might even sound like we could never rise to her standards, just like the Proverbs 31 woman.

Yet, Carol isn't proud of these things.  You would never once hear her boast of them.  No, indeed, you'd never hear Carol boast of anything except the Lord Jesus Christ, whom she fears (or is in awe of, if you prefer).  Her list of accomplishments accumulates because she loves the Lord.

Carol weeps openly over her sin.  She cries with those who mourn.  Her eyes pour forth rivers of joyous gratitude. Because she loves the Lord, Carol delights to love and serve others.  She serves others because, in the death and resurrection of her Lord, she has found the purpose for living: Bringing glory to the One who deserves all glory and honor and praise.

Carol is one of the most beautiful women I know.

Does she meet the cultural standard of beauty here in America.
Probably not.

Her white hair, her lovely wrinkled laugh lines, and her ever-present cane are practically the antithesis of the Clairol-ed hair, Botox-ed wrinkles, and fantastically fit bodies that our culture worships.

But, Carol loves the Lord Jesus in such a way that her spirit shines with the Image of God, living its full, beautiful purpose.

And that is what I want to tell my daughters is True Beauty.

That Beauty is what I hope I can embody one day as a daughter of the most Beautiful King.

We Are So Glad You've Come

Do you ever reflect on your life and your chest feels so full of love/gladness/joy that you think it just might explode?

Maybe I'm the only one.

Sometimes I become overwhelmed with the blessing:

My handsome, hardworking husband who serves me so selflessly.
My bright, curious daughters.
Friends.
Family.
Things growing green in the dark earth.

I stop and give thanks. I write it down---that moment, that feeling, that gift. I want to remember, to give thanks over and over. I want to relive the joy.
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When I was 27 I laid in a hospital bed on a ventilator for the better part of a month.

You're supposed to get mono as a kid--kissing boys and drinking after your friends.

I waited.

There were times when I hung onto life by threads.

I don't remember most of it---a blessing.

When I came through to the other side, I thought:

My life still has purpose on this earth. I wonder what God has in store for me that he spared my life.

I haven't thought about that experience for a long time. After it happened, I felt like I was supposed to have some sort of revelation or do a complete life-overhaul, but normalcy returned and time kept marching.

It occurred to me today---one big duh/aha moment.

Here is my purpose. Right here. I'm living it. God kept me around for all of this.

Wife to Brad.
Mama to Brynne and Hadley.
Friend.
Sister.
Gardener.

I bet those plants sure are glad I stuck around!
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For the girls' first birthday they were given the book On the Day You Were Born by Debra Frasier about how Earth ushers in and cradles new life. Really, I think it's been more a gift for me. You can't help but feel significant when you read it.

I love this book!

The last few lines of the book go like this:

And as they held you close
they whispered into your open, curving ear,
"We are so glad you've come!" 

Today, as I picked up my babbling daughters from their cribs, still warm with sleep, my chest felt full. I whispered into their curving ears,

"We are so glad you've come!"

Winners!

I know you've all been holding your breath, waiting to hear if you won one of the six Lil Rinsers. Thank you to random.org for choosing these six winners. Without further ado, the winners are:

1. Stacey @ Ramblings of a Stay at Home Mom
2. Katie @ Once Upon a Time
3. Leslie @ HahsHousehold
4. Wendy @ The Singing House
5. Summar
6. Erica @ PFM

Congrats to the winners! I'll be contacting you each individually.

Baltic Amber Teething Necklaces: My Report

A couple weeks ago the Baltic amber necklaces I ordered from Hazelaid arrived in the mail.

Our girls were having a really hard time with teething. It seemed like they were popping teething tablets like candy and being dosed with ibuprofen every.single.day. 2-3 times a day!

Of course I didn't want the girls to be uncomfortable, but I also didn't love medicating them so much. I'd read a lot about using Baltic amber necklaces for teething pain, and finally decided to give it a whirl.

I figured---with all we were spending on ibuprofen---we had nothing to lose!

Four days after they arrived, I mentioned that I had noticed a decreased need for teething tablets and ibuprofen. I wanted to give it more time, before I had an official opinion about them.

Now I can say with confidence, I'm ready to report!
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Since their arrival, the girls have worn them around the clock, taking them off only for baths.

Brynne has two pointy canine teeth thisclose to popping through. Her gums are very swollen and bumpy as she is also cutting her one-year molars.

Hadley had one tooth pop through, and is working on two more.

All that crazy, uncomfortable tooth growing is going on, and you know something? You can hardly even tell!

We've used ibuprofen a few times since we got the necklaces, and we've used teething tablets only slightly more than that.

Hadley typically runs a low-grade fever while she's teething. Her temp, since we got the necklaces, has been a balmy 98.3 degrees.

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To all you skeptics, I will say this: I was skeptical.

I had no idea how a necklace was going to help with teething pain, but I was desperate open-minded enough to give it a shot, and I'm so, so glad that I did!

The amber is worn against the skin, causing natural oils, with succinic acid in them, to be absorbed into the skin. Succinic acid is the magic ingredient that has anti-inflammatory agents and is a natural pain reliever. The Milk & Butter amber has the highest levels of succinic acid. When I was ready to order, they were out of stock, so I went with the next best, which is Lemon.

The proof is in the pudding for me. I'm totally sold on these necklaces--they work, or at least help out a ton!

I've had a few people question me about the safety of leaving them on the girls all the time. I will say three things about that:

1. Each bead is individually knotted, so if the necklace breaks, beads won't spill out everywhere for them to choke on or ingest.
2. The necklaces aren't long enough for them to get into their mouths. Hazelaid recommends 12 inch necklaces for 0-3 years. If you're really uncomfortable with necklaces, they have bracelets and anklets too.  
3. The girls really don't mess with their necklaces. The stones should be against the skin to work, so they are often tucked inside the shirt they are wearing.  

If you have any questions---feel free to ask me, or go to Hazelaid's website. You can read more about how the amber works, check out sizing and read testimonials from lots of other people who think this Baltic amber stuff is pretty cool too.

Also--if browsing turned to buying, "like" Hazelaid.com on facebook. They often list discount codes that you can apply to your order.

*Hazelaid did not ask me to write this--and I am getting absolutely nothing from them for doing so. It was the company I placed my order with---they have great customer service, a great selection of products to choose from, and I couldn't be happier with the necklaces!

Mardi Gras Thanks

461. Field white with frost, sparkling in the early morning sun.

462. Not hitting the large deer in the middle of the road.

463. Planning out flowers to divide in the garden.

464. More green in the garden.

465. Smiles from baby Jude.

466. Reading a book to Isaiah.

467. Chatting with Alice.

468. Discovering that my hair has curl.

469. Brynne finally drinking whole milk.

470. Breaking up with the breast pump.

471. Not having the pump on my bedside table anymore!

472. Three extra days with Brad.

473. Brad teaching the girls how to listen to the ocean.

474. Inspiration to create.

475. Going to Michael's for supplies.

476. Having words to paint.

477. New grill.

478. Open windows.

479. Babies babbling out open windows at the dogs.

480. Going for a walk with the girls.

481. Thunderstorms.

482. Uninterrupted sleep.

483. Two girls sitting quietly looking at books first thing in the morning.

484. Watching the girls ride in a double shopping cart for the first time.

485. Finding a shirt that has been missing for over a year.

486. Calzones.

487. Fellowship.

488. Playing in the basement with the girls.

489. Babies peering out the window.

490. Got milk?

What About Our Daughters?: True Beauty Conversations

On Fridays, my friend, Melissa, and I are exploring True Beauty through a series of letters. Please join us as we continue the conversation. This topic is so rich, and strikes a chord with most women. We look forward to hearing your thoughts as we continue to delve in!
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Melissa,

Oh, how your words resonated with me last week.

Truth definitely plays a game of hide and seek with me when I get into the swimming pool. And peering into the mirror in a dressing room trying on swimsuits?! Fahgetaboutit!

I often fret, Melissa, about the messages I will communicate to my daughters in those moments when I feel inadequate. The moments when truth alludes me.

My best friend growing up lived just a few doors away. We played together often. One day when I went to her house, she informed me that she was on a diet; she thought she needed to lose weight. She encouraged me to join her on this diet.

We were eight years old.

This memory stands out so vividly to me, because before that moment, I never knew there was anything wrong with me. I didn't know to critique the size or shape of my body.

It wasn't my friend's fault. Her mother was constantly dieting and spoke openly about all the ways she was dissatisfied with her appearance. It was no surprise, then, that my friend followed suit, even at her young age. Her ears were assailed with that kind of talk.

I don't want my daughters to have an experience like my friend did, hearing their mama express constant displeasure with her body.

Inevitably, my daughters, and your daughters, Melissa, will reach an awareness that they are different.

My desire and prayer for our girls is that they celebrate their differences. Delight in being daughters of The King.

How can we foster this, Melissa?
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Please follow me over here to read the rest of my letter.

The End

"I just can't do this anymore," I said as as I sat down on our bed with a heavy sigh. The words caught in my throat. It was so wrenching, I could hardly believe I uttered them out loud.

It was, at the same time, cathartic to get it out there.

Yesterday I called a friend to tell her that I was done. Finished. Her response was, "It's about time."

Yes, it is, "about time".

I went through the whole gamete of emotions getting to this place, to the place where I could utter those words. I feel like an extension of myself is dying, being ripped away.

He knows me so intimately.

Our relationship has been rocky for some time. Forced. Tired. I was just delaying the inevitable.

Part of me feels bad. He has been so encouraging to me. Truthfully, I could have never done it without him.

Mr. Reliable.

His rhythmic breathing lulled me to sleep each night, promising to be there for me.

Steady and strong when I was truly and utterly exhausted.

The other part of me, though, is relieved.

It's been this love/hate thing for awhile now.

I know that sounds callous, and insensitive, but we all need to move on.

It's time to move on.

Mama is ready to sleep through the night!

13 months. 393 days.

Peace out, breast pump.