Thursday, March 3, 2011

The End

"I just can't do this anymore," I said as as I sat down on our bed with a heavy sigh. The words caught in my throat. It was so wrenching, I could hardly believe I uttered them out loud.

It was, at the same time, cathartic to get it out there.

Yesterday I called a friend to tell her that I was done. Finished. Her response was, "It's about time."

Yes, it is, "about time".

I went through the whole gamete of emotions getting to this place, to the place where I could utter those words. I feel like an extension of myself is dying, being ripped away.

He knows me so intimately.

Our relationship has been rocky for some time. Forced. Tired. I was just delaying the inevitable.

Part of me feels bad. He has been so encouraging to me. Truthfully, I could have never done it without him.

Mr. Reliable.

His rhythmic breathing lulled me to sleep each night, promising to be there for me.

Steady and strong when I was truly and utterly exhausted.

The other part of me, though, is relieved.

It's been this love/hate thing for awhile now.

I know that sounds callous, and insensitive, but we all need to move on.

It's time to move on.

Mama is ready to sleep through the night!

13 months. 393 days.

Peace out, breast pump.

13 comments:

Melissa Ann said...

HOORAY!!!!!

Alice Herren said...

I shed lots of tears when I started moving towards weaning with my first, it was such an emotional experience. But Yeah! Oh, the freedom!

Twinside Out said...

13 months...you are amazing. :) You definitely deserve a good night's sleep.

(I am terrified for this day to come for me, but at the same time, excited.)

B. said...

You're awesome! 13 months is fantastic...I made it to 11 and though I miss nursing I HATE PUMPING more than I can say.

Valerie said...

Yay! Congratulations, I'm so proud of you and happy that there is another mom out there that also pumped for 13 months. I wish I could have breastfed longer but know that I did the best I could with my two boys!

my3littlebirds said...

It's so, so hard to pump. You did it longer than most women nurse! Good job, mama!

Julia said...

I should probably mention that I am still breastfeeding.

The girls didn't get flu shots, so I'm nursing them at least till the end of the cold and flu season.

In addition to nursing them at bedtime, they were getting a bottle of pumped breastmilk. We've now made the transition to whole milk before bed, so I am done pumping. I am so, so ready to be done!!

Corinne and Jason Ritz said...

YAY! I am so proud of you! 13 months with 2 kids is a HUGE accomplishment! It can be such an emotional adjustmet. You could do what I always do and just keep having more babies. It feels like I've been nursing almost non stop for 11 years. Though not really. Several of my babies have been 3-4 years apart.

Shell said...

:) Congrats friend!

Anonymous said...

You are a true inspiration to all of us nursing mothers! In the spot where your pump sat on your nightstand for 13mo's you should place a beautiful vase w/fresh flowers from your garden. Everytime you look at those flowers think of the beautiful girls you "blossomed" with LOTS of hard work. Or pile up a bunch a books, like I have, and wish you had time to read. Either way that space is now yours again. :) Welcome back, friend! xo, Lai

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

From one former breastfeeding twin mom to another, you rock! BIG TIME!

Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

From one former breastfeeding twin mom to another, you rock! BIG TIME!

Melissa Ann said...

HOORAY!!!!!