The one where I say yes.

There is only one man in all the world

and his name is All Men.

There is only one woman in all the world

and her name is All Women.  

There is only one child in the world

and the child's name is All Children. 

~Carl Sandberg

In early February, despite lots of hand sanitizer, breastmilk and frequent reminders to, "Cough into your elbow, please," all three of my girls got RSV.

Upon getting the diagnosis, I covered my daughter's ears, so that I could utter desperate and cathartic prayers/curse words, and break down crying in front of my pediatrician.

And then this:

More desperate and cathartic swearing/praying as my sweet six-week-old, Ruby, landed herself in the hospital.
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I'm pretty convinced that on the inside, we are all whiny, selfish three-year-olds.

I actually have two whiny, selfish three-year-olds, both inside and out. One thing I really love about one of them, my daughter, Brynne, is her honesty about what she needs. After a good ole RSV- coughing-fit, she would scream say things like:

I'm sick! I'm SO sick! Please hold me, Mama, I'm SO sick! 

I have no idea where her flair for drama comes from....

Anyway.

When Brynne asked to be held in her helpless, whiny, sick state---sometimes I would be filled with compassion, and hold her. And, sometimes my own inner-whiny-selfish-three-year-old won out, and I just could not muster up any grace for my daughter. I just can't be a rock-star parent all the time!

But.

I think God sorta digs the whole whiny-selfish-three-year-old thing, in fact, I think that's why he said, Let the children come to me...:

I'm tired! I'm SO tired! Please hold me, Jesus, I'm SO tired!

Jesus is a rock-star parent all the time. He wants to hold me anytime my whiny three-year-old self needs him to. And he really wants to hold you too.  

So, through this whole RSV ordeal, I've learned a few things. Jesus really can hold you. I mean, really, physically hold you. You just need to do two things:

1. Do not, under any circumstances, use any variation of the phrase, "I'm fine."

That terrible "f" word. F-I-N-E

People love to give. We are all constantly fighting our inner whiny-selfish-three-year-old. It's hard some times. No one wants to be a jerk all of the time. One of the best ways to fight that inner jerk is to serve others. Please, please allow people to serve you! Think of it as doing your civic duty to keep jerks at bay.

We belong to each other. Mr. Carl Sandberg got it right---we are All Men, All Women, All Children. We were designed to be in community to serve one another to love one another---you should not walk through hard things alone. Embrace community---let community love you and serve you.

Nothing squelches community more than the "f" word. Swallow that word and pride and...

2. Say yes.

When people offered to bring me good coffee, non-hospital food, a shoulder to cry on, arms to hold Ruby, so I could take a shower or sleep---I said, "Yes!" I mean, really, who can say no to good coffee?!

This wasn't, and still isn't easy for me to admit that I can't do it all. That I'm not God.

But---that's a good place to be.

I'm actually thankful that I was in that place of desperation.

Not because my girls were sick, but because, when I said yes, I felt God's arms wrap around me tightly through each generous act of love. I felt others carry my burden.

Sleep-sacrificing, good-coffee-bringing, burden-carrying---this is what Jesus was talking about when he told us to love one another. That is community. 

And. When you let your community love you like that---that is what it feels like when God holds you. 

I want to challenge you. Be in community. Let yourself be known. Love. Be loved. And. Say yes! You'll feel God holding you too.

Linking with Jen.

Every Little Thing is Gonna Be Alright

I'd like to introduce you to the grace and blessing that is #1348.

(I've taken to calling the baby "Charlie" ---we aren't revealing the sex---my mom used to always call her babies "Charlie" before they were born; I'm adopting her little nickname).

So, I'd like to tell you a bit more about our little #1348. We found out last Tuesday that "Charlie" has a heart defect.

Maybe I should back up a bit.

It's been quite a journey for me these past 20 weeks.

I've battled the voices of fear and doubt in my head telling me that I'm not enough.

Fear is a big ole fat liar, by the way. Still, he's so convincing sometimes.


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Anyway, it hasn't been pretty. My heart.

So, I took my ugliness to God. I've spent lots of time with God. I've yelled at him talked to him a lot. I've read a lot about what he says about life, about love, about who he is.

Here's the truth:

I am enough.


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Each moment of each day God gives me---gives you----the grace we need to be enough. Enough for our children. Enough for our spouses. Enough.

Even if you have three under the age of three----you are enough. Yeah, I know. Every day I need new grace to believe that too---especially when there's hair pulling or not-naps going on.

Here's the other truth mixed in with a couple miracles:

I have people praying for me to be amazed.

Are you ready for it?


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As I sat in the ultrasound room teleconferencing with the perinatologist (that's a fancy title for a doctor who takes care of mamas and babies that are at a higher-than-normal risk for complications), I felt calm.

He explained "Charlie's"condition to me---all the degrees of severity, possible treatment options, and what the next steps would be.

So, here it was, that little miracle: I sat there completely calm. I even remember feeling amazed that I wasn't dissolving in a puddle of tears. A calm, pregnant lady being told that something is wrong with her baby.

The nurses kept giving me sideways glances, incredulous that I hadn't crumbled, expecting me to lose it at any moment.

Amazing. 

I believe that through all the time I've been hanging out with God, I was being prepared for this---all of this, and I don't even know yet, what this entails yet.

Something I keep coming back to from my time spent praying and reading and arguing with God is this verse:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ~Lamentations 3:22-23

Or in other words:


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And if I know that to be true. If I believe that with my whole heart, then I am okay. I am always okay. And, "Charlie" is going to be okay too.

If you pray, please pray for our echocardiogram on September 11th that:

• we would have peace while we wait for the appointment
• that the hole in "Charlie's" heart will show signs of shrinking
• that "Charlie" won't need any surgery. 

Linking with Ann and Jen 

UPDATE** After I wrote this. Brad informed me that he didn't like calling our baby "Charlie"---no offense, Mom. Instead, he would like to call our baby "Pat". I can only hope someone out there watched Saturday Night Live back in the day, and knows what the heck I'm talking about, and finds this picture somewhat humorous:

 

Mama Loves: Ramekins and Steroids

The legal kind. You know---the ones that made the world think that Ashley Judd had "work done"? Yes, those steroids---love them!

And now I'll save you the trouble of wondering if I've had "work done" if my face happens to puff up.

So. Sorry this is a bit tardy. Usually I work on my Mama Loves post on Friday during the girls' nap. I couldn't do that yesterday, because all I could think about, all that consumed me was itching.

And really, the only thing I could even begin to like, even a little bit, were the two empty tubes of cortisone cream that I'd smeared all over my body for some temporary relief (you're really not supposed to do that, but I was desperate, and I'm still alive, so whatever).

You see---Brad was out of town this past week, and when he goes out of town, it seems that that is when something happens----usually not a good something.

So, in keeping with that tradition---I broke out in hives. All over my arms and legs---even on the palms of my hands. Yes, that's possible. Who knew? Miserable.

So, what I'm really, really loving right now are steroids. And my friend who watched and fed the girls on very short notice, so that I could go to the doctor to get steroids! Oh, and I love that Brad is home, and fed the girls breakfast and lunch this morning. And (last one, promise) that I was actually able to sleep last night.

Lots to love. And with that said: 
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Welcome to another week of Mama Loves! I'm so thrilled that you stopped by!

Not sure what Mama Loves is? Check out the Mama Loves page for the scoop on what Mama Loves is all about.

Also---to see all the amazing ideas that have been shared here, check out the Mama Loves Pinterest page. So many crazy-good ideas there!
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Check out what other mamas are loving:

• This wagon is perfect for two---love the smiles!
• Water beads are an inexpensive, and make for some some great sensory play. Can't wait to try these!

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What I wanted to tell you about, before hives---ramekins.

Way before I was married or had children, a friend gave me four ramekins as part of a gift.

 
Best.Gift.Ever.

We use these every day! They're sturdy, durable, and they are the perfect portion for snacks. They're also heavy enough to stay put while the girls spoon out applesauce or yogurt. Mandy recently shared that they work really well to hold the water when painting with watercolors for all those same reasons. 

For size reference.

 
Our ramekins have been knocked around, dropped on the floor, and not even one chip in them! They're definitely worth having, and I'd love to get some more.


Bonus for mamas too---they're the perfect portion size. You can measure out some nuts or fruit, or what I love to do----mix together chocolate chips and peanut butter and eat it with a spoon. Yummy, energy-packed treat!

Can't wait to hear that you're loving!

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Run, run as fast as you can...

Yesterday afternoon the four of us spent some time outside, running around in this windy, warm 70 degree weather that's making my daffodils bloom like crazy!

It was glorious!

At one point, Brynne was exploring something with her papa, and I followed Hadley around the side of the house.

We ran. We ran and ran and spun and twirled, and ran some more.

This might not seem worth mentioning to you, but it's a huge deal.

For the past five months (or more) our Hadley has been plagued with a cough that just won't quit.

She coughs at night.
She coughs when she runs around.
She coughs.

A terribly, dry, bark-y cough. 

Hadley's an active kid. Restricting her play was heartbreaking.

Yesterday we got our answer---it's asthma.

Answers = Treatment = Less Coughing

Joy!

In the midst of running and laughing and twirling with my daughter, I suddenly realized---I didn't have to make her stop. She wasn't coughing!

I might have gotten a little teary-eyed, but let's just blame it on the wind.

Cheers to a New Year and Much to be Thankful for

So many things to be thankful for this past week. I'm so thankful that we're starting 2012 off healthier than we ended 2011!

1115. Hadley's fevers to indicate that something is wrong.

1116. Mama's intuition.

1117. New antibiotics.

1118. Ear infection diagnosis.

1119. Many fevered snuggles in the middle of the night.

1120. Napping with Hadley.

1121. Energy through those five nights of interrupted sleep.

1122. Fever-less day finally arriving!

1123. The girls giggling at their papa juggling clementines in the kitchen.

1124. Hanging the girls' art in our home.

1125. Brynne's love for the color orange, just like her papa.

1126. Playing in the snow with my girls.

1127. Multitasking.

1128. My sister surprising us with a visit.

1129. Hadley sitting on her Masa's knee, petting Noodle (Yes, Noodle, the poodle).

1130. Someone else to read Clifford.  

1131. The girls' fascination with the moon, because of the beautiful, lyrical book, I Took the Moon for a Walk that I don't mind reading over and over again.

1132. Ringing in the New Year sound asleep.

Delight

Everyone should experience the sheer delight of a child.


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Maybe, when you're a parent you do experience child-like joy, just a bit.

Brad and I were almost giddy getting things ready for our girls' Christmas.

On Christmas Eve, at the end of the service,our pastor put up this question on the overhead:

Have you paused long enough at the manger--considering Jesus--to be filled with a joy that is greater than your stress?

I try hard to fill the anxious with thankful--with joy. It's hard. Christmas day with our girls? Pure delight and joy! For them, and for me.

1098. Two girls, in their Christmas jammies, sprinting to their new aprons to go with...

1099. ...their brand new play kitchen!

1100. New books to read.

1101. New pram to push babies.

1102. Playing with cousins.

1103. Adoration from grandparents.

1104. Two girls running to the tree to find a spot for their new ornaments.

1105. The girls respecting the "one finger" rule with the Christmas tree (still standing and all ornaments in tact).

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1105. Snuggles with Hadley at 6AM.

1106. Some answers and solutions to the girls' health issues.

1107. Going for a run by myself, without the stroller, for the first time since the girls were born--it's been so long, I've lost the charger for my ipod.

1108. Pandora on my phone for my run.

1109. Hanging the girls' artwork in our house.

1110. Playdate with Anna and Jill.

1111. A Christmas Eve service that worked with the girls' schedule.

1112. Watching the girls "do" imaginary play.

1113. Play in a pirate boat that keeps an empty cardboard box permanently in my living room, but provides hours upon hours of endless fun.

1114. Reading Mandy's sweet list of blessings through the holiday travel with her family.

Sharing with Ann and Jen.

 

When God closes a door...

...he makes it warm enough outside to open our windows!

Just a quick list today. We are off to pick up more medicine.

One day we will be 100% all better. Until then---we're going to enjoy this 72 degree day in November.

1038. My Christmas cactus blooming a month early, right on cue!

1039. A few cough-free nights.

1040. Watching Harry Potter 7.2 with Brad.

1041. Honey and lemon for my throat.

1042. Brynne asking for the orange bib for every single meal.

1043. The girls learning how to do moose calls (thank you, YouTube).

1044. Teaching the girls to take big drinks and then say Opa! No, we are not Greek, and really, I have no idea why I went with Opa, but it's pretty funny, and the girls get a kick out of it. We're multicultural in this house, that's what it is.

1045. Laughter over purple buttercream frosting.

1046. Potty chair and potty books.

1047. Smiles from my baby girls.

1048. The girls playing with their cousins.

1049. Windows open in November.



In Sickness...

My list of thanks is a day late. This time the "sickness" was me, not the girls. Sunday evening I ended up with the stomach flu. You'd think after all the coughing and snot in our home, that I'd sing the same song, but alas, I got the curve ball. But, I'm so thankful:

1029. Brad was able to stay home Monday, so I could rest.

1030. The girls seem to have escaped the stomach flu (you can pray about that one, I am).

And in other news:

1031. We were most thankful to receive a beautifully crafted Halloween card (and a sweet note from their mama) from our friends in Kentucky :)

1032. The girls learning that pirates say, Aaaarrrrrh!

1033. Vases of delicious smelling roses all over our house! Who would have thought our roses would go crazy with blooms in November?!

1034 and 1035. While the girls were sitting on my lap, Hadley reached over to give Brynne her bink. Brynne then signed thank you, completely unprompted!

1036. Brynne telling me every time she needed her diaper changed.

1037. Ready for winter!



Broken Record

Please forgive? I'm a bit like a broken record.

The girls are still sick. We're on week three of coughing and crying throughout the night. The girls' cough is a terrible wrenching sound that hurts my heart. The cough has sort of ebbed and flowed. Right now it's definintely flowing.

The days are tiring and the nights provide no relief.

Still, I'm so thankful:

1019. New words, new signs and new animal noises.

1020. Warm, beautiful, vibrant fall days.

1021. All the many blessings in the middle of the stroller incident. 

1022. Taking a few moments to play in the leaves.

1023. Hadley bringing me her tea cup for a "tea party" to drink hot honey and lemon water.

1024. Brynne joining in on the fun.



1025. Success in sewing part of the girls' Halloween costume.

1026. The cutest little garden gnomes you ever did see.

1027. Semi-annual haircut.

1028. An organized box of crayons.

Spot On

So.

I was going to title my post. Porch Monkeys, because of #898 and we call the girls monkeys sometimes.

But, the urban dictionary says that would be very bad thing. My husband was laughing at me that I would even consider Porch Monkeys. My ghetto fabulousness ends at the entrance to our subdivision, or maybe it never even started.

Anyway--it was innocent, I promise. What I meant, had I used the title, was part two of  definition #1.

A small child who enjoys being on the porch.

Perfect, right?

The rest of the porch monkey definitions are derogatory and wrong. Boo to you racist people who would ruin the perfect title for this post!

So, the title, Spot On. We're dealing with another rash--poor Brynne! Rashes seem to plague her.

We are so thankful that her rash is no big deal, and not the chicken pox, as I'd first thought!

Always things to be thankful for, even if it does involve rashes again!

And--love my porch monkeys! Even if the urban dictionary says it's not a nice thing to say!
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872. Vomit-covered-Hadley-hugs in the middle of the night.

873. The smell of vomit not bothering me.

874. Bath by candlelight with Hadley at 4 AM.

875. Hadley only throwing up one time.

876. The girls being able to identify which tomatoes are ripe.

877. The girls picking only the ripe tomatoes  in the garden.

878. The girls learning how to drink out of straws!

879. Walk with Sara and Silas.

880. Dinner with Steve and Lauren.

881. Good conversation and fellowship.

882. A lovely night to eat dinner outside.

883. Discovering Brynne's spots.

884. Getting an appointment at the pediatrician's office.

885. Brynne not having chicken pox, as I feared.

886. Brynne being diagnosed with ULE.

887. ULE is not contagious!

888. Finding a skirt for $3.74 on clearance!

889. Impromptu dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant.

890. Getting a compliment on our girls' good behavior during dinner!

891. Girls who love to help their mama vacuum.

892. Delight in squeaking shoes.

893. New shoes that fit the girls' feet.

894. Healthy girls with growing feet!

895. The glorious sound of thunder.

896. Eating dinner while watching a wicked lightning storm.

897. The delicious smell of rain.

898. Sitting on the porch swing with Papa.

I Can Do Hard Things (and be thankful)

The thing about doing hard things...

...is that sometimes it's just so damn hard sometimes.

If you have a problem with me using the word "damn" please read the below quote:

In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer. ~Mark Twain

Yes. Things were just that hard this week.

The girls and I, one by one, have fallen victim to this nasty virus. Like a bad game of dominos.

Coughing.
Runny noses.
Cough induced vomiting.
Lack of appetite.
Clingy-ness.
Fussiness.

Don't be jealous.

Still...amist all the "hardness" there is much to be thankful for. I'm not saying I'm thankful for the virus. I'm not thankful for the coughing. I'm not really thankful for the runny noses. I'm sure as hell not thankful for the vomiting.

To say I was thankful for any of that would be a lie. Especially the vomit.

BUT--I am thankful for God's presence in all of it. I'm thankful for the blessing in the middle of all the foul-smelling, bodily-fluid, feel-like-crap, just plain hard stuff.

So--here it goes:

669. 15 month well check-up already scheduled with the pediatrician.

670. Resting during naptime.

671. Vomit being liquid, not chunky.

672. The weekend showing up when I was feeling my worst.

673. An awesome, healthy (knock on wood) husband that took care of everything for two days, so that I could rest.

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Before the onslaught of sickness:

674. Playdate with Shelly and Max.

675. Footprints.

676. Necklace from Anna Ourth.

677. Gardening with Brynne.

678. Uncooperative walker who had grown out of her shoes.

679. Big step.

680. Riding on the car.

681. More irises