Iris Thanksgiving

658. Brynne discovering her shadow on the wall.

659. Fresh mulch.

660. A husband who makes our yard look amazing!

661. Irises.

662. First roses of the year.

663. Drawings by babies for their mama.

664. Derby hats.

665. First tastes of frozen custard.

666. Big fan of frozen custard!

667. Walk through the garden.

668. Gardening with mama.







Thinking About YOU This Mother's Day

Most of you probably don't know that prior to motherhood, I worked as a social worker for an adoption agency.

During that time, I heard lots of stories of loss and grief from people who navigated the painful worlds of infertility and loss. Those stories have stayed with me; haunted me.

Having twins, too, I've met many people who have been, or still are in the throes of infertility. Many have suffered painful losses and setbacks on the rocky road to building their families that I can't even imagine.

I stand in awe of all those women whose journey to motherhood is fraught with grief and struggle. You still have a smile on your face, move forward day after day, still love big and you still hope. What courage!


Yesterday I read this great article by Nia Vardalos, that chick from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. She speaks candidly, about her experiences on Mother's Days past, as she was struggling through infertility.

That article reminded me that Mother's Day isn't a happy day for every woman. Not even for every mother.

For some women, Mother's Day is a sad day. It serves as a reminder of loss, or is a reminder of a painful longing that has not yet come to pass.

For others, Mother's Day is bittersweet--there are children to celebrate, and losses to mourn.

I read this great quote the other day:

A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven't. Most don't...mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn't happened, so people imagine a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had.


But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she'll know.

~Barbara Kingsolver

As I celebrate the gifts that Brynne and Hadley are to my life, my heart is heavy for all those women grieving this Mother's Day.

My prayer for all of you is that you are all surrounded by love and that your hearts find peace.

Un

Friends, I am just struggling.

I feel:

unmotivated
uninspired
uncreative
unable
unworthy
unimportant

just, well, just "un".

I feel stuck in this "un" rut while my garden blooms vibrantly, my husband adores me, and our healthy girls' laughter fills our home. It's a juxtaposition that weighs on my spirit. I know I'm missing out! I know these things I feel, they aren't really the case. So, I pray that God will help me in my unbelief.

The reason I keep a gratitude journal; pour my thanks out here each week is so that I constantly search for and actively seek joy. To find the extraordinary in the everyday.

This works most of the time.

But sometimes it's a struggle for me. My soul finds dark corners, and I get stuck there. I, ashamedly, forget my many blessings.

I struggle to love well. It pains me to write that.

Sometimes it's just so hard to love well.

But---I can do hard things.

So.

I'm working on it, friends. I'm fighting to see joy! If I start sounding "un" around here---feel free to yell at me. You can even do it anonymously, if you want to.

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Tomorrow is the second year I get to celebrate this gift of motherhood. It's going to be sunny and warm, which means cute girls in rompers---I can't wait!



The Living Truth: True Beauty Conversations

My friend Melissa and I are continuing our conversation about Beauty this morning. We've been talking about True Beauty through a series of letters on Fridays: What is Beauty? What will we tell our daughters about Beauty? We're so glad you're joining us. We would love to hear from you!


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Dear Julia,

Two weeks ago I wrote, inspired, about being part of His Story.  And I know that's true- my history, my present, and even my future are Redeemed by His Blood.  They're being used for His Glory.

But the hardest person to preach the gospel to is always myself.

Lately, my story feels like Cinderella's--- and not the good parts.  I feel like all I ever do is cook, or change diapers, or feed babies, or edit photos, or clean (when the mood strikes me), or paint cabinet doors (whose idea was it to remodel the kitchen herself?!).  My hair is limp, my face feels the greasiness of summer humidity, and my daily uniform is a lightweight pair of paint-spattered PJ/sweatpants because I lent a friend all of my maternity clothes prior to finding out about our surprise baby on the way.

And then my prince walks through the door and reaches out to embrace me...

(Cue the uplifting fairy tale music!)


But wait, nope, the Cinderella girl is pushing the prince away. She's gone back to cooking or is sulking with her dinner plate.

Is this what happily ever after is supposed to be?

I don't think so.

But when Derek walks in the door, all I want is a break.  I want to go outside in the evening breeze and paint those seemingly multiplying cabinet doors.  Or I want to sit in the cool basement and leisurely sew some little hand project. I want to go to the gym and swim laps until I'm tired.

And all Derek wants to do is...

Well, you can imagine...

You're married. ;-)

But, by golly, I've been serving people all day and the last thing my exhausted (pregnant) body wants to do is that.  And has he even seen my grungy tired self who hasn't showered in 3 days?  Why would he want me?

Tell me I'm not the only one who feels that way. Tell me I'm not the only one who has a hard time connecting the Truths we've been discussing with that day to day moment when my husband walks in the door expecting a hug and a kiss.

Where is the beauty of a quiet and humble spirit when my husband gets home?  My heart leaps when he comes home, but not in excitement to hear about his day or to feel warm and protected in his embrace.  No, I'm excited because there's somebody home to serve me.  (And, by wild grace, he does serve His maker by serving me.  What a guy!)

But it's not about me, is it?

No, it's about serving and worshiping the one true God.

So where should that truth lead me?

When my husband comes home, he sees my non-showered PJ pant wearing self as beautiful and very attractive (maybe even desirable!).  I should thank God for the sweet grace of his affection.

And then I should preach the Gospel to myself.


"Melissa, Jesus loves you and came to die for you so you might live in joyous freedom from the sin of selfishness.  On top of all that He gave you a husband that sees you as irresistibly beautiful.  What a gift!  The overflow of your heart should be gratitude that spills over into contented service-- in the desire to be a gift to Derek in the way he is a gift to you."

Oh, the sweet Gospel!  It's hope that even I can change.

I Am So Thankful for Azeleas

Azaleas are so vibrant and beautiful! I love this time of year when they are in bloom!

630. Azaleas.

631. First hummingbird of the year at our feeder.

632. Brynne being the first to point out our first hummingbird.

633. Planting herbs in the garden.

634. Sunshine.

635. Annuals in pots.

636. Going to Benjamin's birthday party.

637. Seeing the joy on Benjamin's face at his party.

638. Pride and love on the faces of Greg and Ellyn with a happy and healthy one year old son.

639. Brynne's "happy feet".

640. Discovering a new park with Mike, Laila and Nori.

641. Getting vegetables for the garden.

642. Making room for all the wonderful things to grow.

643. Pink.

644. Girls obeying rules.

645. Girls obeying rules when it's hard and they don't want to.

646. Love for new books.

647. Brynne's snuggles.

648. Peonies getting ready to bloom.

649. Antiques for our home.

650. Getting a leg up.

651. Girls swinging in their own swings for the first time.

652. Hadley loving the slide.



653. Brynne's pride at being able to put all the shapes in the bucket.

654. Holding hands at the park.

655. Two girls making up games to play with their grandparents.

656. Having a hanging basket full of flowers that attract hummingbirds.

657. Brynne's kisses.



You're on the Right Track, Baby: True Beauty Confessions

My friend Melissa and I are continuing our conversation about Beauty this morning. We've been talking about True Beauty through a series of letters on Fridays: What is Beauty? What will we tell our daughters about Beauty? We're so glad you're joining us. We would love to hear from you!

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My Dear Melissa,

I have three confessions to make.

The first confession is that I am a "Gleek". Yes, I love Glee!

Your voice once echoed through Carnegie Hall. You know what it's like to sing beautifully.

I don't.

You dance. You dance in costume, no less.



I cannot dance. Unless I'm sitting down. I'm an excellent chair dancer.

But--in the privacy of my kitchen as I cook for my family during naptime, I dance and sing along with those crazy Glee kids, pretending to be a rock-star-diva.

Second confession: I love Lady Gaga.

Sure, she wears dresses that look like hanging meat and plunks a hunk of raw steak on her head for a hair bow, but that chick can kill a performance!


photo credit

I think that what’s so appealing about her to so many people is that she's an original. We all are, but she really lets is all hang out—in her music, in her fashion. She just doesn’t care.

So—on this week’s episode of Glee, my two loves collided, and it was too amazing, and too fitting not to talk about!
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Hop on over to Melissa's to read my third confession and the rest of this post.

Two Will Become One---But Not Yet

So.

This whole napping thing.

These two naps might soon become one, just like a bad Spice Girls song.

But--I won't go down without a fight.