Conceptually, it's easy to love, isn't it?
I can serve people in need.
I can give money to charities.
I can pray for those who are hurting.
I can love my husband with words.
I can give to my daughters all day long.
Loving on my terms. When things are the way I want them to be.
Having children, watching the miracle of life unfold---I was taken with this whole concept of God being in everyone.
Every face I see, God knit their body together.
Every face I see, he made unique and beautiful.
Every face I see is made in God's own image.
Every face I see; there is God.
Isn't that lovely?
We can think that way, can't we?
Love everyone. See God in everyone?
I thought I could. I still think I can.
It's really, freakin' hard sometimes.
From the day the girls were born, my concept of love has been s t r e t c h e d.
I never expected my well-thought-out, thoroughly-prayed-over, lovingly-executed decisions---all done in our girls' best interest, to be met with such scrutiny.
It's hurtful, frustrating and maddening to have decisions and choices disregarded; to feel unheard and misunderstood. Especially when it comes from people who love me and love our girls.
I've recently been hurt. I'm angry, and I don't really know what to do with it.
On one of my favorite blogs, recently, the mama was talking about how she talks with her kids about how, sometimes, when we say that: I'm mad, what we really mean is that: I'm sad. Then, she proceeded to describe how her three-year-old yells, "I SO SAD AT YOU, MOMMY! I SAAAAAD AT YOOOOUUU!" from time-out.
I think I need her to come over and parent me for awhile.
She's right. I'm just so sad. I'm sad that this is what love is sometimes. Love can be brash and insensitive and over-bearing and ugly sometimes. We do a lot of well-intentioned, yet hurtful things in the name of love.
...I have learned that most of the time, all you have is the moment, and the imperfect love of people. ~Anne LamottI really just want to yell from the top of my lungs:
I'M SO SAD AT YOU!
I would actually do this, except the girls are napping, and the neighbors are having a garage sale. It's kinda just therapeutic to see it in really big words, so I'll make do.
I still believe in love.
Sounds like a ballad from one of those 80s hair bands, or something (not that I would know anything about that).
But, I do.
I believe in love, even though, sometimes, love bites.
Love is a harsh and dreadful things to ask of us, but it is the only answer. ~ Dorothy Day.