(I've taken to calling the baby "Charlie" ---we aren't revealing the sex---my mom used to always call her babies "Charlie" before they were born; I'm adopting her little nickname).
So, I'd like to tell you a bit more about our little #1348. We found out last Tuesday that "Charlie" has a heart defect.
Maybe I should back up a bit.
It's been quite a journey for me these past 20 weeks.
I've battled the voices of fear and doubt in my head telling me that I'm not enough.
Fear is a big ole fat liar, by the way. Still, he's so convincing sometimes.
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Anyway, it hasn't been pretty. My heart.
So, I took my ugliness to God. I've spent lots of time with God. I've
Here's the truth:
I am enough.
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Each moment of each day God gives me---gives you----the grace we need to be enough. Enough for our children. Enough for our spouses. Enough.
Even if you have three under the age of three----you are enough. Yeah, I know. Every day I need new grace to believe that too---especially when there's hair pulling or not-naps going on.
Here's the other truth mixed in with a couple miracles:
I have people praying for me to be amazed.
Are you ready for it?
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As I sat in the ultrasound room teleconferencing with the perinatologist (that's a fancy title for a doctor who takes care of mamas and babies that are at a higher-than-normal risk for complications), I felt calm.
He explained "Charlie's"condition to me---all the degrees of severity, possible treatment options, and what the next steps would be.
So, here it was, that little miracle: I sat there completely calm. I even remember feeling amazed that I wasn't dissolving in a puddle of tears. A calm, pregnant lady being told that something is wrong with her baby.
The nurses kept giving me sideways glances, incredulous that I hadn't crumbled, expecting me to lose it at any moment.
Amazing.
I believe that through all the time I've been hanging out with God, I was being prepared for this---all of this, and I don't even know yet, what this entails yet.
Something I keep coming back to from my time spent praying and reading and arguing with God is this verse:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ~Lamentations 3:22-23Or in other words:
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And if I know that to be true. If I believe that with my whole heart, then I am okay. I am always okay. And, "Charlie" is going to be okay too.
If you pray, please pray for our echocardiogram on September 11th that:
- we would have peace while we wait for the appointment
- that the hole in "Charlie's" heart will show signs of shrinking
- that "Charlie" won't need any surgery.
UPDATE** After I wrote this. Brad informed me that he didn't like calling our baby "Charlie"---no offense, Mom. Instead, he would like to call our baby "Pat". I can only hope someone out there watched Saturday Night Live back in the day, and knows what the heck I'm talking about, and finds this picture somewhat humorous:
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33 comments:
I will certainly be praying for your three specific requests. And thanking Him for the gift of your calmness.
First off - I didnt know you were pregnant so CONGRATULATIONS!!! A new life is wonderful news. I hope you are feeling okay.
Secondly - LOVE your blog and the way you are choosing to view this "obstacle" you are facing.
Third - Michael had heart issues that were discovered at 32 weeks, but God miraculously healed him. So, I know a healer and will be praying your "Charlie"
Last - I have two friends who have had babies born with different, but very serious heart issues. Both did require surgery (ies) or are still in process. I'm sure either of them would be willing to talk to you or help you in any way. Please feel free to PM me if you want their contact info or if you want me to have them get in touch with you.
You will remain in my prayers.
Congratulations on your new blessing! And I am an old SNL fan, so your reference cracked me up!
Julia, Congratulations! This little one is a miracle hand-crafted by God, and I will certainly be praying for you as you commit all these things to the Lord. Yeah!
I have been worried about you and the baby, since you still hadn't mentioned your pregnancy on your blog, you've been relatively absent, and you've hinted at some rough times. I'm so sorry to hear that your little one has a heart defect. I will be praying hard for you, that you will continue to have peace, and that God will perform a miracle on your sweet baby.
I feel like I missed something. I didn't know you were pregnant. So first of all, congratulations on your growing little miracle!
Second of all, I will keep you two in my prayers. I really hope everything works out for the best. I will also add a prayer that Brynne and Hadley smoothly transition into being big sisters. :-)
I have this feeling that you will learn about the true capacity of the heart, on every level. Lots of love to you all and a huge congratulations!
My eyes are wet reading your post, Julia. It's a beautiful thing to know how calmly you took that news.
I will continue to pray for you, for the baby, and for a peaceful heart and mind.
(And I do love me some Pat!)
Well sweet friend, my thoughts are with you and baby Pat :) I will pray and continue to pray because He amazes each and every day. Lot's of HUGS!!
I had no idea you were going through this, I will be praying for you, and the things you specifically asked for. It's awesome to read how calm you were talking to the doctor. Lifting you up in prayer!
Congratulations! Being pregnant with toddler twins is not for the faint of heart. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
Praying for you all and BELIEVING that EVERY little thing IS gonna be alright!!! xoxo
Congratulations my friend. I'll be praying for you
May the Lord use Pat to bring glory to His name. May the doctors and parents and all those supporting have the necessary wisdom to allow God to work His own kind of miracle through and around them so that peace of the Lord may reign supreme here.
My heart celebrates Pat and breaks for a family that lives with uncertainty, but celebrates a family with enough faith the get them through. You are enough because you have Jesus.
Hee hee. I was wondering when this announcement was going to come! Your Pinterest boards are full of new nursery ideas, friend! Better be careful not to reveal the gender there! :)
As usual you amaze me. God is good and kind and gives us what we need to "deal". I will pray for you and your sweet family and especially that your prayers will be answered for y our precious baby.
Praying for you and your little one. Glad you've felt an extra measure of of heaven-sent strength and calmness.
You are enough.
I read this post this morning, and I have been praying for you all day...
and will continue to do so.
absolutley remember PAT! seriously, stopping right now to pray for you and your baby....
Praying that you will continue to be amazed, that God will send so many people to continue to encourage you in your daily walk, that you and Brad will remain plugged into the Source of all everlasting hope and that Pat will receive healing in the womb.
My prayers are with you. You are an inspiration to all women.
I didn't even need the picture. ;)
I understand some of what you are going through. Last fall we discovered our son I was pregnant with had a defect called an omphalocele. The thing with omphaloceles is even though they can rule out some possibilities, you really don't know how severe or what you are dealing with until after the baby is born. My prayer through my whole pregnancy was for joy. And I was so filled with it. God is so, so amazing. He will carry you through every single moment and He can absolutely handle anything you throw at Him. I'm praying for you and your little one.
Dear Julia,
May He continue to give you and your family peace and joy throughout the whole journey. I pray for healing for your little precious one, I pray for you to be held so close to Him, so close, that you can almost see His face. I pray for more aspects of Him to be revealed to you than ever before, that you will be reminded everyday, of His faithfulness, goodness and His promise to us. I pray for His overwhelming love be shown to you and your family through His body and everything in your life. I will continue to pray, dear friend!
First off, congrats on the impending arrival of a new little one. Babies are always immense blessings.
Second, I will be praying for Pat/Charlie's health issues and that the Great Physician would be pleased to heal them even while they are in utero. You are a great mama. Just keep your eyes focused on His promises.
Hey, I read this this morning and tried to comment, but I was on my phone and it wouldn't post... grrr...
You have been on my mind a lot lately, and I almost called you last week. I am upset with myself for not following that prompting. I will be a better friend next time.
Let's talk soon. Give me a call when you feel up to it.
I will absolutely be praying for you. Congratulations on the pregnancy!!! Any news on the new house?
One thing I have learned for sure is that trials and blessings come together - they are related. Faith is power and you are one of the most faithful women I know. I am so grateful to have your example in my life.
Praying for you. Sometimes, it's the peace in the storms that assures me that God is with me. And you are enough. God made you. For this. And other amazing things.
Oh, "Pat", I'll be glad when you're not "Pat" anymore! ha I certainly remember and will be glad to meet "Pat" when s/he arrives.
Praying for you and "Pat".
Beautiful open honest post and congratulations!
Hi, Julia! My name is Amanda. I've been reading your blog for awhile now, but I'm pretty sure I haven't commented before. (We have a connection in real life - I used to babysit for your nephew and found your blog after your sil & fil mentioned Brad's blog.) :)
I wanted to tell you that I will be praying for you. We went through something similar recently - the doctors detected a hole in my little one's heart when I was 20 weeks pregnant (which I wrote about here - http://www.livingepistles.blogspot.com/2012_03_01_archive.html and here - http://www.livingepistles.blogspot.com/2012/06/over-and-over-again.html)
It's so hard to hear that your baby isn't perfectly healthy, but so unbelievably wonderful to know that that precious little one is "fearfully and wonderfully made" and so is the baby's momma and "every little thing is gonna be alright".
Peace and prayers to you!
Amanda
Praying for baby Charlie/Pat!
Julia:
I have not been a very good SDG group leader this summer as I have not visited for a while.
However, I am putting you and Baby Pat on my prayer list.
Blessings,
Joan
HUGE congratulations!!!! Such exciting news!!! And I will definitely keep Charlie/Pat in my prayers!!
Well, now, I came over to link up my Mama love and look what I find - what a beautiful post.
First, CONGRATULATIONS!
Second, how hard must it have been to keep this quiet for so long - you're amazing.
Third, that is one of my favourite scriptures ever (because YES< His mercies are new EVERY morning)
AND fourth, of course I will now keep you in my prayers!
I'm here if you want to e-chat, okay?
Lots of prayers for you mama!!!
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