Monday, August 29, 2011

I Can't Wait to Get to Heaven, Because in Heaven There Won't Be Any __________________ (fill in the blank)

How do you answer that question?

My answer has recently changed.

It used to be mosquitoes. Those pesky little devils sure know how to ruin a good time. And I still look forward to a mosquito-less heaven. Can I get an Amen?!


There is a new creature that has made it to the top of my list.

A creature so vile--it represents everything that makes my skin crawl.

The maggot. *shudder*


Brad was out of town all week last week. When he's gone, I try extra hard to stay on top of things to make life a little easier. 

On this particular day, I walked out of our bedroom and smelled a terrible smell that led me to our trash can. The next day was trash day, so I assumed that things had just gotten a bit ripe, and quickly took out the trash before the girls woke up.

The smell lingered.

The girls finished eating breakfast. I got out a dust pan to sweep up a few crumbs, and that's when I saw them.


Maggots in my dust pan. I resisted the urge to hurl my breakfast all over them.

My search led me to a very small piece of steak, from our dinner a few nights previous, accidentally dropped behind the trashcan, and left there unnoticed.

There they were--huddled around the stink. There wasn't much left, though.

I began to notice their friends--all pale and writhing--wiggling their way across my kitchen floor.

That's when I waged war. Cursing each and every one of them under my breath as I sucked them up in my vacuum cleaner (good thing our Hoover is loud, so my girls didn't hear).

I then  proceeded to scrub every inch of our kitchen floor with anti-bacterial wipes.

Then it hit me. I can't think of anything to be thankful for in this situation. We're supposed to be thankful in everything, but I was drawing a blank.

Sorry, Ann and Jesus, but my kitchen was crawling with what is, arguably, the ugliest creature on the planet.

So, I called Melissa.

The conversation stared out like this:
Me: Hi, I need you to tell me one thing about maggots I should be thankful for.
Melissa: I thought you only drank wine in the evenings....
Okay, so she really didn't say that.
What Melissa really said: Well, they wiggle, so you can see them.

Wiggle, you dastardly wretches. Wiggle so I can find you and destroy you, ugh!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ~Philippians 4:6
Thanksgiving. I don't have to be thankful for maggots. Because I'm pretty sure there is no one, in the history of the universe, that has ever been thankful for maggots.


I'm called to thankful for God in the midst of my one and (please, God?) only maggot infestation.

So, here is my maggot thanks, and may I never have to type or utter the word maggot again after today!

P.S. I don't blame you one bit if you are thoroughly disgusted by me and our home, because I am.

P.P.S. It's a really bad idea to have rice for dinner the same night you just killed a bunch of maggots.

P.P.P.S. So, Brad just read part of this over my shoulder and said, "You're still talking about the maggots?" I don't think he understands the trauma that those pale, wiggly creatures have caused me. He should be grateful for this cheap therapy!


Maggot-related thanks:

848. Maggots wiggle, so that you can seek and destroy them easily (thank you, Melissa for that perspective!).

849. Our kitchen is separated from the rest of the house, so the girls had no contact with them.

850. Maggots make a satisfying pop when you squish them.

851. My kitchen floor was spotless.

852. You could eat off my trashcan.

853. The girls played together, really well, while I was killing and cursing the maggots.


Something other than maggots:

854. Brad's recovery from food poisoning.

855. Sushi.

856. A visit from Ab.

857. Ab helping out with the girls, so Brad could rest.

858. Kris.

859. People praying.

860. Prayers answered.

861. Wisdom from Alice.

862. Hard conversations.

863. Trip to the farmer's market.

864. Sitting outside, enjoying snacks from Artisan Bakery.

865. Finding a book I wanted to get the girls at the used bookstore for $3.

866. The girls' first story time at the book store.

867. The girls remembering not to throw food on the floor during mealtimes!

868. The peace of nap time.

869. Blowing bubbles.

870. Putting away pool toys.

871. Brynne's ponytail.

holy experience


Aunt Ab! said...

Glad you were able to get Brynne's hair into a pony! It looks very cute!

Lauren said...

One time when I was about 14, I was vacuuming up the carpet in my parents garage. Suddenly I noticed all these white things coming up to the surface. Then I noticed they were wiggling. Then I realized there were MAGGOTS living in the carpet. I was soooo disgusted. I am still so disgusted when I think of it, it gives me the willies. So I understand your trauma.


Kelley said...

I was okay until #850. That's just ... Ack. No breakfast for me! :)

Dorie said...

Ugh, maggots?! I have to agree with the mosquitoes and maggots...might I add slugs to the list of things to do without?
Love how you found the positive in the situation. You have many beautiful blessings to count today!

Anonymous said...

Hold on to your dinner, but I've heard that maggots are actually very nutritious...Can you be thankful for that?

Jenn said...

hahha.. i loved this post.. the maggot idea just made me wanna hurl to.. whew.. thanks for making a thankful list in case I ever have to use one! hahah.. i loved your writing and your blog.. and your twins are ADORABLE..

seashore said...

This is one of my fears. At least now if (when) i find maggots I will already have something to be grateful for.

Theresa Miller said...

Well I would have said, no more tears or pain.But after reading your post, I would consider filling in the blank with *maggots* or other slimy pests. lol! Ugh...

I enjoyed your humor throughout this post!

Jen said...

You know, trying to find thanks in the last week was really challenging for me and I love how you went out of your way to find thanks by calling your friend. He has you in such a sweet place, friend. And I will be praying for no more maggots. EVER.

Pamela said...

If you would have asked me that question yesterday I would have said chronic pain--pain of any kind. But now {shudder, double shudder} I think maggots are certainly at the top. One thing about it, you've experienced the worse so it's only better from here. Ha!

Your gratitude list was a blessing to read.

Twinside Out said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! I think you are so brave to deal with the maggots on your own. Job well done!!

And kudos to the girls for playing well while you were cleaning up. :-)

Once Upon A Time said...

Yuck, yuck, yuck. Thank goodness you found them sooner than later, though! THAT'S something to thankful for, right? :)

Amy Sullivan said...

I love that you wrote about maggots. This makes me like you even more.


I am sorry that you had to deal with such a traumatic "house guest", while carry for sweet twins and while your husband was travelling. No fun at all.


Autumn said...

I couldn't stop laughing about the maggots. You have such a good sense of humor!

Sharyn said...

Actually some people ARE grateful for maggots. Some maggots are sterilized for medical purposes. If a person has necrotic (dead) tissue, sometimes, the maggots will be applied to eat the necrotic tissue because they won't eat living tissue. This allows the body to heal properly, prevents infection and -- most importantly -- can prevent amputation.

See? They're not all bad. Even if they are unbearably gross. :)