The resounding theme of this column, to me, is grace. Or lack of.
At the same time, the title, Why don't friends with kids have time? rings true. Pursuing friendships is a challenge with children.
I admit, pre-children, I didn't have a lot of grace for mamas, or anyone that wasn't as efficient or as intentional as I was.
Mostly, because I just didn't get it.
Now the whole, It takes 45 minutes to do what takes others 15, is ringing in my ears!
I've always been a little slow to figure out the way things are supposed to go.
I remember once asking a college friend if she'd like me to go with her to register for her wedding. Yes, that's right, I really thought I should be the one to help decide what she and her future husband would like in their home.
And seriously, I was a little hurt that she didn't take me up on my "generous" offer.
Today, it's laughable that I would have even offered my "services" to my friend. Brad and I had so much fun choosing things to add to our registry. That's the way it's supposed to be.
I lacked perspective. And, I lacked grace.
I've said before that the very hardest thing I've ever done was becoming a mama. It has stretched me in more ways than I could have possibly prepared myself for.
The greatest gift that stretching has given me? Grace.
The "hard" of becoming a mama, the infinite number of possible challenges that can creep up with mama-ing has given me grace.
You don't have time to talk with me right now?
You're running late?
You need to cancel last minute?
It takes you a few days to return my phone call?
Grace to you.
I get it.
I get the constant-ness of mama-ing. Whatever is present to you---work, school or just life--it can be constant-ness too.
So, I completely understand that when you finally get a sweet break in the constant-ness, sometimes, you just want to do your own thing or nothing.
I'm grateful to Brynne and Hadley for helping me to be a more grace-filled person.
Have you had a life event that has caused you to give grace more generously?
Linking with Jen.
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7 comments:
What a beautiful post, Julia!
I totally agree with you.
Well, parenting twins has taught me to embrace my imperfections :)
:-) It all goes to the 'walk a mile in my shoes' theory. You can't judge others just based on what you see on the surface.
Being a wife/mom both have been very eye-opening experiences.
And as for registering for wedding gifts - I have two comments on that.
When my sister went to register for china she asked me to go along because her husband-to-be lived a thousand miles away at the time. Her comment - "If is is blue, say you like it. If it is green, say you don't" :-)
And when daughter Katie and Jake registered, she and I went back a couple months later to 'fine-tune' her kitchen selections.
Both fun memories of course.
Reading this made me realize that I often don't extend grace to myself. I am constantly apologizing for not (fill-in-the-blank). Hmmm...
Wow, great post. I admit, I didn't get it either. I think until you are really there you just don't get it. And then you feel bad for not getting it all those years ago....geez....
Being a momma has taught me to embrace life and live each day to the fullest. Before I had the girls I didn't...I wanted the days to go faster almost. But now? Now I savor the moments. I try and slow down and enjoy at least a couple of precious moments each day with my husband and my girlies. I think it has helped me become a better momma and a better person =)
There are a couple of big life experiences - motherhood definitely being one of them - that I can say have given me a sense for different perspectives...and I hope that results in me showing more grace.
There's a line from a James Taylor song that I think about from time to time, "The sun shines on a funeral, the same as on a birth."
It's a good reminder to try not to judge other folks, as you really don't know what their situations are.
On a housekeeping note, this article validates me pretty well hating to talk on the phone, though! I talk All.Day.Long. it seems...that's often The.Last.Thing. I want to do when it's finally quiet! :)
Very well put Julia. There're so many times in my life that I finally got to wear the shoes I had previously judged, only to find out that the shoes are tight and difficult to walk in.
I, too, saw that article on Facebook. And while I agreed with a friend that the tone of the author was a bit mean-spirited (most friends are not intentional in their misdoing/misbeliefs), I appreciated what the writer had today. Because the author explained, in a way that I never could, why it's so exhausting to be a parent. Why we love our kids more than anything in the world and sometimes have to put other things, other relationships to take care of their needs and our needs. I really wish that being an at home mom was something you could put on a resume. It's by far the hardest and most draining job I've ever had. But it's the best one too.
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