1,000 Gifts

Last June I embarked on a journey. Counting my gifts. 1-1,000

When I began counting I was a new, mama, and completely and utterly overwhelmed.

I cried every day as Brad left for work.
I begged God to bring rain to cancel his baseball games, so that he would be home in the evenings.
I pleaded with God that my girls would sleep.

In short, I had no idea what I was doing. Every moment I felt like I was drowning.

Anxiety. Fear. Resentment. Doubt. Depression.

They flooded my soul. I sat in a pit with all those dark friends swirling around my head.

I would combat them with prayer. On my knees, weeping, begging, pleading with God to help me kind of prayer.

I desperately longed for just one day to feel manageable. 

A blogger friend of mine had joined Ann counting her gifts.

I was intrigued, and decided to give it a try.

I had no idea how much it would change my life.

You see, when you seek joy; when you seek God in everyday (even in the hard stuff). Fear, anxiety, resentment, doubt, sadness? They can't co-exist with joy. So, my heart changed. I changed.

Do you see how my perspective was totally altered? Instead of looking at things, and feeling helpless, I just looked at things, and said:

Okay. This sucks. Where is God here? What can I find joy in in this place?

I intentionally sought Jesus.

Sometimes it was really hard. But you know? God always showed up. Even if it was just to give thanks that my precious babies had breath to cry.
_________________________________________________________________________________
It seems so fitting that this would be the week that I'd reach 1,000.

My girls have been sick with the croup for a week now.

Lots of snot.
Lots of coughing.
Lots of crying.
Lots of clinging.
Lots of watching (and listening to) my sweet daughters fight to breathe.

I step away. To seek my Father. To seek joy.

Breathe in.

Lord...

Breathe out.

...Jesus Christ...

 Breathe in.

...have mercy...

Breathe out.

...on me.

(Thank you, Mandy)

Then, I list my gifts.

Mercy.
Grace.
Joy.
Eucharisteo.

Everything's a miracle.

Eucharisteo precedes the miracle.

So I give thanks. And look for miracles.

988. Hair bands, from when the girls were infants (that still fit), and hold their hair away from snotty noses.

989. Rain boots.

990. Craft night at Heather's

991. Chatting with Laura and Heather late into the night.

992. Meeting Lori at craft night.

993. Waving at Lori on Sunday at church.

994. Chatting and connecting with Kelly and Gabby at Artisan.

995. Seeing both Kelly and Gabby at church the next morning.

996. Having friends at church!

997. Going to a church full of people that are full of grace.

998. Meeting Beth and praying for her during chruch.

999. Olbas oil. Seriously. Check it out!

1000. Listening to Brynne and Hadley coughing. Knowing they are breathing.

1001. Honey that quells the coughing.

1002. A husband that helps me with the girls in the middle of the night.

1003. Laughter about croup (and 90s rap).

1004. Brynne calling for her papa in the middle of the night.

1005. Playdate scheduled with Shelly and Max.

1006. Texts from Affton and Sara checking in on us and praying for us.

1007. Getting to 1,000 gifts.

1008. Intentionally doing hard things, and finding God in the hard stuff.