No one is holding anything over your head. No one is angry. No conflict.
But you can't shake it...
Memories come up from the past, and you're right back in that place---weighed down with feelings of regret and sorrow for being a stupid, selfish jerk.
Maybe you can relate?
Two things strirred up all of that yucky stuff for me this week: the birthday of one friend and an email from another.
Seems harmless enough. But...
These are friends I've wronged. They're also friends who have given me grace. Friends who like me. Friends who love me in spite of and because of. Mostly inspite of.
So, a really long time ago there was this father who asked Jesus to heal his son---his son had been really sick for a long time, and he was desperate! He told Jesus:
But, if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.Oops!
If you can! Jesus said. All things are possible for one who believes.Grace!
Immediately, the father cried out to Jesus:
I believe; help my unbelief!Jesus had mercy on them, and the boy was healed.
(paraphrased from Mark 9:14-29)
I believe too! I believe I'm forgiven. But I forget.
In the girls' Bible, we read to them every night, it describes God's love as a
Never StoppingI believe that I'm loved like that.
Never Giving Up
Always and Forever Love
I believe that because Jesus loved me like that, he died for me; forgiving me.
Even though I know all of that--whispers of doubt, fear and regret creep in.
So, when whispers start up---I have to cry out to God, because I think that's what he wants from us.
Help my unbelief! Help me forgive myself. Help me rest in grace.
Linking with Jen and Michelle.