Mompetiors, Mompetition--Whatever, I'm Just Trying to Survive

So, before I even get going, I'll say this:

I am not going to create a post for every negative anonymous comment I receive. I write in a public forum, sometimes people aren't going to like what I say--that's part of this whole blogging gig. I am addressing this comment, only because, I want to encourage all the mamas out there.

The following comment was put on this post, Friday, regarding my Hadley's love for using foaming hand sanitizer:

You're creating a resistance strain for germs early on for your babies. When they are older and sanitizer doesn't work and they are sick all the time, I'm sure you will feel great about yourself. Babies need germs so their bodies can learn how to fight illness. As a chemist, I suggest for the sack (I think he/she meant sake?) of life and your children, you let nature take its course, I mean you are all about "organic" and "natural". So just let your babies be babies. You can't make them perfect.

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My friend Melissa wrote this great post awhile back about mompetitors.

Here's the thing--as a mom, I've learned a lot of things. Most importantly, I've learned never to judge another mom's choices.

I've done stuff I swore I would never do.

Breastfeeding vs. Formula
Organic vs. Non-Organic
Co-sleeping vs. Crib Sleeping
Babywearing vs. Strollers
Cry-it-out vs. No Cry-it-out
Pacifier vs. No Pacifier
Hand Sanitizer vs. No Hand Sanitizer--apparently

Whatever. This parenting thing is hard. Damn hard. Aren't we all just doing the very best we can?

You shouldn't feel one bit guilty if you weren't able to produce enough milk to breastfeed your baby(ies), or you can't afford to buy the $5.99 organic blueberries in the really tiny container.

You definitely shouldn't be made to feel guilty by another mom!

Come on mamas! As moms, we should support one another and the hard choices we make! Because, if you aren't a mom, let me tell you--it's all hard choices, and it doesn't get any easier!

I remember being pregnant, standing in Babies R Us sweating, because I couldn't decided what cribs to buy. That choice felt really challenging at the time.

Now I'm thinking about:

Which form of discipline do I use?
When do I stop breastfeeding and how?

There are always hard choices to make!

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So--I use this natural foaming hand sanitizer.

Why? Because RSV was all over our community this winter. I have a daughter with a heart defect. Heart defect + RSV = Bad News!

Even if RSV wasn't all over our community, I would have still used it though. Both the girls were sick at separate times this fall. It.was.miserable. I was holding sick-baby, but well-baby wanted attention too. All while my husband was out of town on business. I would do just about anything to avoid a repeat of that scenario.

So--maybe I am creating superbugs. The girls chew on their shoes. They chew on my shoes--can't stop em. Apparently they have a shoe fetish. That seems pretty germ-y to me.

Maybe my girls will be sick all the time, because I use foaming hand sanitizer. Am I going to feel "great about myself" when my girls are sick? Any mom feels terrible when their child is sick! I can't speak for everyone, but I would take it all, so that my girls would never be sick a day in their lives. At least that way all the vomit would end up in the toilet.

 This parenting thing? The hardest thing I've ever done. I'm sure many of you mamas would agree!

Why not, instead of throwing stones, encourage our fellow mama? Cheer her on? Offer helpful advice, if she asks for it. Or, if you must interject your opinion, do so lovingly, and remember that you have no idea what it's like to be in her shoes.

Here's the thing--I, we, are just trying to survive.

Say It Just Because...

When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?

It feels pretty great, right?

So---why don't we say that more often to the people we love? I mean--we know it makes us feel good. Surely it has to have a similar effect on others, wouldn't you think?  

My challenge to you today--just do it!

Tell someone she (or he) is beautiful.

Tell her she is beautiful... 

• because she encourages you.
• because conversations with her fill you with hope.
• because when you spend time around her, you see God just a little bit better.
• because she always gives you the truth, even if it's difficult to hear.
• because she loves big.

See the image below? Get it here, and share it with someone beautiful!

 

 

Redemption: True Beauty Conversations

My friend Melissa and I are continuing our conversation about Beauty this morning. We've been talking about True Beauty through a series of letters on Fridays: What is Beauty? What will we tell our daughters about Beauty? We're so glad you're joining us. We would love to hear from you!
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Dearest Melissa,

We've spoken of many things through this series.

We've talked of modesty, words, parenting our daughters, teaching our daughters about Beauty, who is Beautiful and about living out Beauty to glorify the One who made it.

It's a lot to strive for, and much to live up to.

Of course, no one is perfect. We all have shortcomings.

But, what about when we fail?

________________________________________________

When I was in graduate school, my life felt completely and utterly out of control:

• my boyfriend broke my heart
• two of my best friends were engaged to be married
• I was a bridesmaid in both weddings
• from the recesses of my memory, I recalled trauma from my childhood
• my family was one big disaster
• graduate school was hard and demanding
• I was working two part-time jobs

I was in the depths of despair. I handled "the depths of despair" poorly, to say the least.

_________________________________________________

Hop on over to Melissa's to read the rest of my letter.

We Can Do Hard Things on Tuesdays

1. I started using BabyGanics foaming hand sanitizer on the girls when we're at home. I love that stuff--it dries quickly, contains no alcohol, it has no scent and is all natural. Hadley LOVES putting it on her hands. She will walk up to the table where we keep it, and reach up while rubbing her hands together to ask for some.

2. I take full responsibility for creating Hadley's love of hand sanitizer, and I'll admit---it makes this mama happy. Some people see swings and shopping carts I see ugly germs--green with big teeth like the Mucinex guy.


3. This particular Mucinex guy is not very scary, but he and his cough-inducing pals terrify me. Two sick toddlers babies = my nightmare!

4. Speaking of germs, these Touchy Tags were featured on Multiples and More. Aren't these awesome!? Fasten them on carseats and slings--what a great way to kindly ask people to keep their paws (and germs) off your baby! Wouldn't they make a great shower gift?

 

5. How am I just now discovering Adele? Just like Ebay and duck tape, I'm a little behind. Mmmm--she is soulful, and just good. If you don't know who she is, you should.

6. I'm all about mantras. I need them--especially when things are difficult. This is my new mantra. I got it from Glennon. I say it to Brynne and Hadley all the time. It's a good mantra for the whole family. It pretty much sums up raising twins.


7. The sign above--LOVE it! I pretty much love all things Barn Owl Primitives.

8. I don't know who said the following. I wrote it down in my journal in college. If it was shorter it might be one of my mantras too.

A tree doesn't ponder why it grows a gnarled branch, a dog why one ear flops half-mast, or a clover why it sprouts three leaves, not four.

What is broken mends; what is stretched to the limit, strengthens. That which is flawed glows with certain beauty.

9. "Life must be aromatic." ~Gwendolyn Brooks.

I think she must have written that in the spring.

10. I am off to plant some zinnia seeds in my garden. Zinnias make me happy.

 

 

Birthday Thanks

I hardly remember my birthday last year. I think I was delirious from lack of sleep. This year it was awesome! My husband was intentional about making it special. He planned our meals, scheduled a monitor sitter, took off work, took care of the girls, gave me "me" time, and changed ALL of the diapers in a 24 hour period. What more could a girl want?!

576. Brad being intentional.

577. Caroline monitor sitting.

578. Sushi date night.

579. Sleeping in the next morning.

580. Coffee at Starbucks by myself.  

581. Beautiful "drive with the sun-roof open" weather.

582. Well-wishes from family and friends.

583. Not changing one diaper all day long.

584. Running errands by myself. 

585. Run and good conversation with Laila and Nori.

586. Wang Gang.

587. First tulip blooming.

588. Cool breezes in the house.

589. The constant blessing of my garden.

590. Awakening to singing--birds and girls.

591. Dinner and an evening outside with Brad.

592. Taking the girls to their first birthday party.

593. Rompers.

594. Party dresses.

595. Heat-flushed cheeks.

596. Blossoms.

597. Bright paint colors.

598. Playdate with Shelly and Max.

599. Comfortable conversation with a dear friend.

600. Breakfast and coffee on the deck.

601. Morning sun on my shoulders.

602. Jonah.

603. Curly hair.

604. Reflections.

In Search of Real Modesty: True Beauty Conversations

My friend Melissa and I are continuing our conversation about Beauty this morning. We've been talking about True Beauty through a series of letters on Fridays: What is Beauty? What will we tell our daughters about Beauty? We're so glad you're joining us. We would love to hear from you!


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Dearest Julia,

Modesty

It's such a buzz word in the Christian community.  Yet the word means such different things to each person.  Some think modesty means flowing dresses and head coverings. Others believe modesty means women should only wear skirts and dresses.  There a new movement for modesty coupled with modern dress.  Finally, there are those who feel that bikinis can be modest because they cover all the important bits.

But I'm going to consult Dictionary.com and go back to the definition of the word itself.

Modesty

1. The quality of being modest; freedom from vanity, boastfulness
2. Regard for decency of behavior, dress, speech
3. Simplicity; Moderation

Modest

1. Having or showing a moderate or humble estimate of one's merits, importance, etc; free from vanity, egotism, boastfulness or great pretensions.
2. Free from ostentation or showy extravagance
3. Having or showing regard for the decencies of behavior, speech, dress, etc.
4. Limited or moderate in amount, extent, etc

It seems to me that the quality of modesty might just go a bit deeper than convictions on what clothing we should or should not wear.

I love applying knowledge to the act of everyday living so I'm going to break down these definitions into an evaluative tool.

Having a Moderate or Humble Estimate of One's Merits, Importance, etc

• When things do not go according to my plan,  (like when your 18-month-old pukes on the porch of the house you were walking into for a birthday party, or no matter how hard you coupon, you're unable to drop the grocery budget below the number you believe it should be at... not that these life-altering events have ever happened to me :-p) do I lash out in anger at those who didn't do things my way or ask God why he wasn't following my day planner?
• When I speak with my friends, do I truly listen to them or am I thinking of the next thing that I'm going to say?
• When my husband or friend compliments my beauty or something I have done,  do I argue against their compliment (false modesty) or do I humbly say "Thank you" (true modesty)

Free from Vanity, Boastfulness, or Great Pretensions

•  When I dress in the morning am I thinking, "I look smokin' in this!" or am I making sure that the way I dress is flattering in a way the glorifies the Living Christ?
• Am I constantly talking about my latest accomplishment? Do I grow weary or resentful if I feel that my role in a group is not acknowledged with gratitude and compliments?

Regard for Decency of Behavior, Dress, and Speech

• When I let compliments ooze over my male friends (or even my wealthy popular female friends), is my motivation to build them up in Christ or to garner their attention?
• When things aren't going as I planned, do I blame others, throw frustrated or angry fits, pout, or withdraw from an activity/relationship?  And when I do these things (after all, no one is perfect), do I admit and apologize for my inappropriate response/behavior?
• When I put on a shirt/dress/pants/bathing suit, am I tastefully covered or am I drawing eyes and minds to parts that should remain a private mystery?
• When I speak, do I bring to light whatever is lovely, or do I complain or waste words on meaningless conversation or, worse yet, gossip?
• When I speak in a relationship with a man (who is not my husband whether I am married or not), do I reveal parts of my heart that should be reserved for my God and my (future) husband?

Free from Ostentation or Showy Extravagance

• Am I dressing to gain attention? 
• Am I paying large amounts of money for designer clothing label status rather than investing in an equally flattering and equally stylish item that is priced appropriately with regards to my budget?

Simplicity; Moderation

• Am I exercising in moderation to keep my body healthy and strong, or am I working-out excessively in pursuit of an ideal body?
• Am I eating a piece of chocolate cake as a sweet indulgence or do I binge because I've had a bad day and the cake brings me comfort?

I suddenly feel as if this little definition breakdown/questionnaire is quite heavy and maybe even legalistic sounding.  I'll be the first to say that I don't measure up to this standard of modesty, particularly in the "Moderate Estimate of my Own Merits" and "Decency of Speech" categories.  But reading through lists like these (and even lists like the Ten Commandments), makes us aware of where our hearts need the loving care of our Lord to produce fruit.  Sometimes feeling a little wounded is good for growth.

__________________________________________________

Julia, when we first started this series, I was immediately struck by the following verses on beauty.  I feel like these verses pretty much nail both outward beauty and the heart filled with modesty.  Just for an interesting little tidbit, the Greek word for beauty used here is the word "Kosmeō".  It's where we derive our word "cosmetics".

Wives, in the same way (context: as Jesus endured insults and the cross without bitterness or retaliation) submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.  Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 1 Peter 3:1-4

May we live pure and reverent lives; lives filled with the modesty that comes from knowing the glory of a God who is above all things.  May we seek the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

Ten on Tuesday

1. Mamas (or soon to be mamas), you've gotta check out the Daily Peppermint. It's the genius idea created by Andrea. Every day, one short, useful tip will show up in your email inbox. It's short, it's sweet---perfect for busy moms! I'm flattered that Andrea asked me to be a contributor. If you've got a tip, there's a spot to add it on the site.

2. I'm not about to start a debate on nurture vs. nature, but I will say this: I don't wear necklaces. If I did, the girls would yank them off. Every.single.day. my daughters have to wear their link necklaces. I have no idea where this comes from. I'm not modeling it. I'm not teaching it. It is pretty cute though.

3. Last week I mentioned I'd gotten some prints from A Happy Exchange. This shop is awesome! The very talented, Jillian, gives you the print (you just pay shipping). In exchange, she asks that you share one of the following with her: your greatest joy and how you  incorporate that into every day life, tell her how her art makes you feel, or send her a letter or note telling her how you gave to someone and how that made you feel.  

Isn't that just beautiful?! You can also find Jillian over here.

I got these three prints for the girls' room:

I love gardening, which is a love I want to pass on to the girls. And the girls just love ducks. Hadley is working on perfecting her quacking noises.

4. So. When I was in sixth grade, I won a jump rope contest in gym class. Out of the entire school, I could jump the most times in one minute. 144 times. I have no idea why I still remember this.

20 years later, in bootcamp, they had jump rope contest. Guess who won? That's right, I did. This chick's still got it two decades later! 153 jumps! Woo hoo!

5. A big thank you to Mandy at My Life as Described by Twin Trials and Triumphs for the Life is Sweet Award. Mandy is the mama to twin girls a year and a month older than Brynne and Hadley, so I pay close attention, because I know in a year my girls will be about where hers are now. From her post, you can see that Mandy is lovely and intentional. She is also a fabulous southern gal who loves Crimson Tide football, ice cream and riding in the car with the sunroof open--she's hilarious and spunky, if you don't read her blog, you should!

6. If I could point your attention to a couple blogs that might be new or interesting to you:

(Tw)inside Out. This mama chronicles her life with her boy/girl twins that she calls Inchworm and Doodlebug. She's funny, passionate, and finds time to make her own stock to cook with--amazing! If you do nothing else today, you should read this post.

the climb. Cyndi is a lovely mama, also to eight month old boy/girl twins. She balances work and mothering with a gentle grace. She is currently in need of some help getting them to sleep, so if you can lend a hand, please do.  

7. I decided this spring/summer that I needed to invest in a "mom" wardrobe. I currently have about 23 pairs of black pants collecting dust in my closet. I got those pants when I worked in an office. Now, my office is at home with the girls. I've added a couple pairs of capris. I wanted them to be quick drying, look nice enough to go out and about, but also be appropriate for taking walks, bending stooping, sitting on the floor, etc. If you have any suggestions to add to my "mom" wardrobe, I'm all ears!

8. Hadley's bangs are getting really long. I don't want to trim and maintain bangs. I'd like to part her hair and put it up, but here's the trouble: her hemangioma. It's in the way, and makes it difficult to find a part. Any suggestions? I need help, and clearly Hadley agrees:

9. Tomorrow I will be 32 years old. I can remember when my parents turned 30. This makes me feel old.

10. When I was writing this post I calculated that I will be 49 years old when the girls graduate from high school. That makes me feel ancient! It also makes me wonder if I would be able to win another jump rope challenge when I'm 49.